Snapshots
by ozzysgirl
Summary: Glimpses into the lives of Happy and Dee, Helen and Rane, and a few others as well. There's no particular order, just moments in their lives. These one shots will all be based in the AU I created for them to live in. They wont make a great deal of sense if you haven't read 'Lollipops', 'Heart of a killer' or 'Nomad'
1. Chapter 1

**My plot bunny has decided to take a little holiday, and I really don't have the time to tackle another long story. So to feed my SOA addiction, I've decided to post some one shots about Dee, Helen and co. I might even include a few about some of the other characters in my little AU. These little snippets don't really stand alone, and unless you've read Lollipops and leather, Heart of a killer and Nomad, they probably won't make any sense.**

**I don't know how often I'll post, or what they'll be about. **

**Let me know what you think.**

**Sarah xx**

I don't own Sons Of Anarchy

Snapshots

Imperfect

The yard was silent save for the singing of the birds in the tree behind the swing. The two men sat in companionable silence on the wooden bench, enjoying the last of the day's sun.

Quinn shifted in an attempt to ease the, ever present, pain in his back. This was his life now. The dull ache in his back and shoulder. The sharp stabbing pain in his thigh that, even after these years, caught him by surprise. Happy glanced over and frowned at his brother's discomfort, but said nothing. Quinn smiled to himself. Happy was never a big talker.

Behind them, through the kitchen window, their old ladies could be heard chatting away as they sat at the kitchen table. Unlike their old men, they talked. All the fucking time. About everything.

It had freaked him out, and if he was honest, pissed him off, when he discovered just what Helen and Dee discussed. But typically his old lady had laughed and reassured him that she would never disrespect him, but when she said that she and her best friend shared everything, that was exactly what she meant. Sometimes he wondered if Dee knew more about what was going on in Helen's head than he did.

He stole a glance over to Happy. He couldn't imagine telling him about feelings and shit. Although sometimes it would have been nice to talk to someone.

Dee was pregnant again, with baby number four. She and Hap had no problem popping out kids, whereas he and Helen were yet to manage one. They never talked about it. Not properly. It was too big. He hated the look in her eyes as she held Imogene. And although she had been genuinely pleased for Dee, when she had announced there was to be another one, he knew she'd cried herself to sleep that night.

It was his fault. Despite her asking him not to, he'd had tests done. The results had shown he had poor quality sperm. What the fuck was that supposed to mean? He'd wanted to punch that smug faced doctor when he'd said that a drop in sperm count wasn't uncommon in men of his age, and than went on to suggest that a life in the saddle could be a contributory factor.

He hadn't told her. How could he? How could he tell her that, yet again, he'd failed her. So they kept on trying. And he kept on clinging to the doctors final words. "Conception isn't impossible, just highly unlikely."

"Something on your mind brother?"

Quinn shook his head. "Nah, I'm good."

Happy gave a single nod, and an opportunity to offload was lost. "I'm going back inside."

"Okay, I'll be there in a bit." For some reason he didn't want his closest brother and oldest friend to see him wince as he got to his feet or limp to the door. It was irrational, he knew. Happy knew how badly he'd been injured in the past. But he hated the thought of his brother seeing him so broken.

Broken.

That's what he was. Damaged, imperfect. Couldn't even function properly. He'd always believed that Helen deserved better than him, but never more so than now.

The door opened, and he looked up and smiled as Dee walked out and sat next to him. "Hey, fatso. You okay?"

"Was going to ask you the same thing. What's going on Rane?"

"Nothing, I'm fine."

"Sure you are. That's why you barely spoke a word through dinner, and can hardly bring yourself to look at Helen. She's worried about you. I'm worried about you."

"S'nothing. Really." He looked out across the yard, unable to meet her eyes. "I'm okay."

Quinn closed his eyes and she reached out and touched his hand. "You have always been there for Hap and me. Let me be there for you. I'm not stupid, I know there's something going on in that head of yours. Talk to me Rane."

"Helen say something?"

"Just that you had been real quiet recently. She's worried that you want out."

"Of course I don't want out! Jesus, why would she think that?"

"You tell me."

"I dunno. I guess I feel guilty, she deserves better. Not a broken down old man like me."

"Rane Quinn! You are not a broken down old man. Why the hell would you think that?"

"Because it's true. My back's fucked, I limp, I…."

Dee squeezed his hand. "You are no more broken now than you were when you married. You are the toughest man I know. Anyone else would never have survived the shit you've been through. What's this really about?"

He swallowed and shook his head, fighting the urge just to blurt it out. He wasn't a proper man. He couldn't even give his old lady a kid. "Don't push me on this, Dee. Please." He couldn't stand to see the pity on her face.

"If you won't talk to me, talk to Helen." She nudged him with her shoulder. "How about you help me haul my fat ass back into the house. Or are you too broken to do that?"

"What? You a comedian now?" He grinned and getting to his feet, held out his hand to her and led her slowly back to the house.

* * *

The bed in Hap and Dee's guest room was one of the comfiest he'd ever slept in. Despite this, he couldn't sleep. It wasn't just his aching back keeping him awake. Every time he closed his eyes, the image of his old lady holding Imogene flashed into his mind. He pulled her closer and pressed his lips against her hair. "I'm sorry."

"Mmmm." She stirred at the sound of his voice. "Why?"

He took a deep breath. This was where he lost her. "I'm sorry that I can't give you a kid. I wish I could, but I can't. It's my fault."

"S'ok. Go to sleep." Helen was already drifting back to sleep.

"No. No it's not." He shoved her off him, startling her awake. "It's my fault. I'm never gonna be able to give you a kid." He sat up and swinging his legs over the side of the bed rested his forearms on his thighs. "I'm sorry."

"Rane." Helen knelt up and pressed herself against his back. She wrapped her arms around his waist and kissed his shoulder. "This isn't your fault."

"I had tests." He felt her body go stiff. "I know you didn't want me to. But I needed to know." He sighed. "And now I do. It's my fault. I ain't a real man."

"Oh shit. Why didn't you just listen to me, you big oaf." She shifted and sat next to him. "I need you to listen to me now. The reason I didn't want you going for tests was because I knew this is how you'd feel, if it turned out you had low sperm count or something. I love you. I will never love anyone else. I'm not going to say it doesn't matter, because it does. I'd love us to have kids, you'd be a great dad. The best. But we don't always get what we want, Rane." He opened his mouth to speak, but she raised her hand to silence him. "You _are _a real man. You're my real man. And none of this is your fault."

"The doc said there were things we could do."

"No." She slipped her arm through his. "We're okay as we are. I meant what I said when I said that I was okay with it just being the two of us."

"You ain't mad?"

"Well. I'm a little pissed that you went and got tested without talking to me first."

"Ain't what I meant."

"No, I know. Of course I'm not mad, and I don't want you beating yourself up about this." She rested her head against his shoulder. "What did the results actually show?"

He swallowed. "I have low quality sperm. Half the little fuckers don't even know what direction to swim in."

"But there's a chance one could make it?"

"Yeah. There's a chance."

She grinned and climbed onto his lap. "I guess we'll have to fuck twice as much then."

As the weight of the past few weeks fell away and all those niggling aches and pains seemed to disappear, he realised that, yet again, he'd underestimated her. Helen was never going to walk away, just like he'd never walk away from her. Maybe they'd never make a baby and there would be times when that would make her sad. But maybe they would. Just maybe, one of his stupid, slow sperm would turn around and swim in the right direction. That would be just perfect.

But, either way, as long as they had each other, everything would be just fine.


	2. Chapter 2

I don't own Sons Of Anarchy

Snapshots.

**Happy's family**

"Leave it alone, it's mine. Dad, tell him to stop touching my stuff."

Happy sighed and looked up from his paper. "Danny, leave your sister's stuff alone."

"Ain't doing nuffin'" His son stuck out his bottom lip and glared at his sister who carried on drawing, a smirk on her face. "S'not fair." Indignantly he began kicking the table leg.

"Quit it." Abi scowled. "You're making the table wobble."

"Shan't." Danny kicked it again, harder this time.

"Quit it."

"Make me!" He ducked as his sister swung her fist. "Dad. Abi hit me."

"Jesus. Would it kill you to be in the same room without fighting, just for once in your lives?" Throwing his paper onto the ground, Happy stood and leaving the relative sanctuary of the armchair in the corner of the kitchen, marched over to the table. "Both of you can go to your rooms until you decide to be civil to each other."

"But daaad. He started it."

"Don't give a shit who started it. I'm finishing it. Rooms. Now!"

"But."

"Now, Abs. And you, Danny."

Knowing that their was no point in arguing with their father, still bickering, they headed towards the stairs. Happy listened with a rueful grin as they blamed each other for their present predicament, then sat back down to the sports page.

Making the transition from enforcer to husband and father on a daily basis, wasn't always easy. Usually he managed to leave his patch at the front door, when he came home. Sometimes, like now, with all the shit that was going down in Charming, it was hard to switch off. If Dee had been home, he would have hit the road for a few hours, just to get his head straight. But she had to work, leaving him alone with three kids, a thumping headache and so much shit running through his head, he could hardly think straight.

"Daddy."

"Hey baby girl." He looked over to where he'd left Imogene, his youngest daughter asleep in her stroller. "You wanna cuddle with daddy, huh?"

As soon as he got to his feet, she stretched out her arms. "Daddy."

"I gotcha, baby. You hungry? You slept through dinner." With her balanced on his hip, he opened the fridge and began hunting through the contents, pulling out a bowl of ravioli. "You want some pasta?"

"Uh uh." She shook her head and pointed to the yogurt. "Gurt."

"I think mom would prefer you had the pasta, Imi."

"Gurt." She screwed up her face. Shit, she was going to start yelling.

"Yoghurt it is then." Happy was in no mood for tantrums right now. He'd rather deal with a pissed old lady than a screaming toddler.

As he walked toward the highchair, she stiffened. "Nooooo." This had been an on going battle for a while. She wanted to sit at the table. Dee was okay with that. She was too little really, but she was growing up fast and wanted to be like her big brother and sister. Happy, however much preferred her restrained in the highchair. It was less messy.

"You are going in the highchair, Imogene." Even using his best enforcer voice had no impact on his daughter. She took a deep breath and he quickly turned and sat her in the chair at the table. "Okay, you can sit at the table, but I have the spoon. Got it?"

She smirked. She actually fucking smirked. "Spoon, daddy."

"Oh no. I ain't cleaning up after you again."

"SPOON, DADDY."

Sighing, he gabbed a second spoon and handed it to her. She dropped it on the floor and pointed to the one in his hand. "Dat spoon."

"Nope, ain't happening." Sitting next to her he pulled the top off the pot. "You wanna feed yourself, you sit in the highchair." She scowled and made a grab for it. Happy was quick, but not quick enough and she managed to get a handful of yogurt which she immediately began to smear all over the table top. "You quit that, right now, Imogene Lowman." He looked around desperately for a cloth, as she transferred the rest into her hair. "Oh Jesus. Really?"

"Sticky." She grinned and licked her fingers.

"When ain't you sticky?" He managed to feed her the rest of the yoghurt without incident, and was about to call it a win, when…

"Potty."

"Right." He stood and lifted her from the chair and sighed. "You're supposed to tell me you need the potty before you pee." Setting her down on the floor, he followed her to the bathroom. "Pretty sure you don't need the potty now, sweetheart. How about I give you a bath and wash that shi… stuff outta your hair." He started to fill the tub, chuckling as he watched her struggling to pull her dress over her head. "You want help with that, baby?"

"Mmph, noooo. Imi do it."

"Fine, miss independent." He watched as she triumphantly pulled off her dress, then lifted her and sat her in the tub.

As soon as he was satisfied she was clean, he lifted her out and wrapping her in a towel, carried her to her room. "Okay, let's get you into your pj's then we can watch a movie till bed time."

"Little pony, pleeeease."

"Oh no, baby girl. Daddy doesn't watch my little pony." He grinned as she screwed up her face. "An' yelling ain't gonna help."

"Muppets?"

"Yep, I'm good with Muppets."

She grinned and kissed his cheek. "Silly daddy."

As they settled on the sofa, his daughter snuggled on his lap, Happy felt his eyes start to close. It seemed like forever since he last slept. The door opened and he looked over to where his oldest daughter and son were standing. "S'up kids?"

"We're sorry, dad. Can we watch the movie with you?"

"Sure. C'mere." He shuffled along the sofa to accommodate them. They were going to have to get a bigger sofa. Hell, they needed a bigger house. Space was tight with three little ones, and now there was another on the way. He had no idea how they were all going to fit in. If he was honest, he hadn't wanted another kid, the house was too small, and money was tight, but Dee had been adamant. She wanted one more.

He got it, he really did. She needed to fill the house with kids, his brothers. Anything, in fact to hide that huge elephant in the room. Losing Lacy or, more to the point, how he behaved after they lost Lacy, had created a rift in their relationship that could never fully heal. Thing weren't bad between them and their love for one another was a strong as ever, but he had shaken her faith in him, and they both knew, deep down, that even if they had a dozen kids, nothing would fill that hole that his kid had left.

Abigail leaned against his arm and he kissed the top of her head and smiled, she'd been using Dee's shampoo again. When Lacy died, he'd wanted to die with her, but this little girl, who was the image of her mother, had pulled him back from the abyss and restored his humanity.

It was these kids, and the one to come, that bridged the gap between him and Dee.

He closed his eyes. She was smart, his old lady. She knew how much he needed them. She knew that without his family, he was nothing.


	3. Chapter 3

**This one's a bit different. A flash back, if you like. As I miss Lacy, I thought I'd go back and spend some time with her again.**

**I don't own Sons of Anarchy**

**Snapshots**

**First date**

Lacy checked her reflection for the last time, then switching off the bedroom light, as quietly as possible made her way down the stairs.

"Goin' somewhere, Sugar?"

Shit! "Hey, Hap. Just going to Kelly's. We have to finish an assignment."

"And you need to do that dressed like a whore do you? Get your skinny ass back up those stairs and change into something that actually covers you up. And you might wanna wipe some of that shit off your face as well."

"What exactly about me isn't covered up?" She didn't know why she was arguing. He was going to win. He always won.

"Your ass his hanging out of those Daisy Dukes, an' if you bend over. your tits will follow it. Makes you look cheap."

"Fine, I'll change. What do you want me to wear? Sackcloth? A burka?"

Yes. If he had his way, that's exactly what she'd wear. "Just have a bit of class, Lace. Dee never dresses like a tramp, an' she's the hottest woman I know."

"I'm not a tramp!"

"Then don't dress like one. Get upstairs and change, or you ain't going nowhere. Oh, an' put your aunt's shoes back in the closet."

She turned and ran back up to her room, slamming the door behind her. Fucking Happy. All her friends could go out dressed as they liked, why'd he have to be such a pain in her ass about it. She kicked off the shoes and pulled open the closet door. He was such a fucking hypocrite. She been to the clubhouse and seen the women there. She'd seen him looking at them, and while she didn't think for one moment he'd cheat on Dee, it was clear he liked what he saw. Sighing, she pulled out a pair of jeans and covered her top with a white cotton shirt. It seemed such a shame to cover her cleavage. Her tits were tiny and her new bra worked wonders with the little it had to work with.

Happy was still waiting at the bottom of the stairs when she came down. He nodded his approval. "That's better. You need a ride?"

"No, I'm good. We're meeting at the diner, I can walk."

"How you planning on getting home? I ain't having you walking back on your own."

"Kelly's mom will give me a ride home."

"Okay, well call me if she can't do it."

"I will. Later."

He watched as the walked down their long winding driveway, until she was out of sight then headed back into the kitchen. Dee looked up from her book. "She'll be fine, Hap."

"You know she's meeting a guy right?"

"I know. She's not a little girl anymore." She smiled. "Don't look so worried, you'll always be her number one guy."

"If I was her number one guy, why didn't she tell me."

"She didn't tell you because she knew you'd go all 'Happy' on her."

"No I wouldn't."

"So you weren't planning on going to see who she's really meeting at the diner?"

"I…." He grinned sheepishly. "Maybe."

"Just leave them alone. Trust her."

"You didn't see what she planned on going out wearing. And, shit. All that makeup. Doesn't she know how beautiful she is? You're gonna have to talk to her."

"Me? Oh no. Lacy's growing up, Hap. She's going to make mistakes, dress inappropriately, date douche bags who get handsy sometimes."

"And we're supposed to be okay with that?" He sat down and ran his hand across her forehead. "You seriously expect me to sit back and let some little asshole put his hands on her?"

"Yes I do. You can't wrap her in cotton wool. She has to find her own way. If you push her too hard we'll lose her. If she needs you to kick some douche ass, she'll ask." She slipped her hand into his. "I wouldn't worry about some guy getting fresh. Pretty sure all of Washington State knows what will happen if someone upsets Happy Lowman's kid."

"It was so much easier when she was a little girl."

Dee kissed him softly on the cheek. "She'll always be your little girl. Now I think you and me should take advantage of the fact we have an empty house."

"Jesus, woman. I swear you only want me for my body." He sighed. "C'mon then, but we'll have to be quick, I wanna get back to the hospital to see Quinn."

* * *

Joe was waiting at the diner. Lacy took a deep breath and pushed open the door. She still couldn't believe that he'd even looked in her direction, there were so many more beautiful girls at school. When he actually asked her out, she'd almost fallen through the floor.

He looked up and smiled as their eyes met. "Hey. Wow, you look great."

"Hey. Thank you." She sat opposite him, suddenly tongue tied. "The others not here yet?"

"Kelly just called, they'll be here soon. You wanna soda?"

"Sure." She wiped her hands down her jeans. Shit. What was wrong with her? She never got nervous around guys.

"So your pop's a Son, right?"

"Yeah."

"Cool. Reckon I might get a bike when I quit school. Not a Harley, something real fast."

She sighed and glanced out of the window. The last thing she wanted to talk about was the merits of crotch rockets. "Hap's Dyna's pretty quick."

"Hap?"

She smiled. "My dad."

To her relief their friends soon arrived. Joe stood and held out his hand. "The guys are here. Ready to go?"

She had always loved bowling, it was something she was good at. But clearly Joe didn't appreciate being beaten by a girl. And while he didn't exactly complain, when she threw the next game he seemed a lot happier. She watched as he sat down to eat his fries. He was good looking, all the girls thought so, but there was something missing. And as he kissed her at the end of their date, she realised that he was never going to measure up. The MC ran through her veins. Kozic, Rane, Happy. They'd all left their mark on her. Made her who she was. Some high school jock was never going to be enough for her. He grinned as they pulled apart. "You sure you don't want me to take you to your door?"

"Oh no." Hap would skin him alive. She leaned over and kissed his cheek, before letting herself out of his car. "Thanks for tonight, it was fun."

"We gonna do it again?"

"Maybe. Bye, Joe."

* * *

"Have a good time, Sugar?"

"Jesus Hap. Why d'ya have to creep around all the goddamned time." She spun around. "We just worked on an assignment is all."

He nodded and pushed a stray hair away from her face. "Oh yeah, an assignment. I forgot. You wanna drink before you go up? Hot chocolate?"

"Yeah. Thanks." She followed him into the kitchen, and sitting at the table watched as he heated the milk. No, Joe would never measure up to this man who'd taken her on and stood firm when all she'd tried to do was push him away. Her protector. Her hero.

"Hap?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I get a hug?"


	4. Chapter 4

**I don't own Sons of Anarchy**

Nomad

"I dunno, man." Quinn shook his head and looked and the man sitting opposite him.

"Just think about it, brother. It was always a risk giving GoGo the president's patch. The rest of the nomads want him gone. If any more go, there'll be no Nomad charter on the west coast and that's bad for the whole club."

"And Gogo?"

"He never wanted the gig in the first place. It was always supposed to be a temporary measure till someone could be found. Without proper leadership, the charter is in danger of going rogue. You were nomad for a lot of years. You know what it's like. These guys don't have the same constraints as those with a home, and without someone strong reining them in, they are making some bad choices."

"And you think that someone is me."

"I know that someone is you."

Quinn sighed. "And this is Clay's solution? I'm too old, Jax. I've got Helen to consider."

"She's your old lady, she'll do as she's told."

"No she wont, an' I don't want her to. If I go nomad, I can kiss my marriage goodbye."

"It wont come to that. Look, man. It wont be like before. You don't have to take jobs that keep you away from home for long periods."

"So I sit back in my warm, comfortable home and send my brothers out to risk their lives for the good of the club? That ain't how it works, Jax."

"So you're telling me you don't miss it? That you ain't frustrated by the politics that goes on around the table?" Jax smirked. "You're a nomad, Quinn. It's in your blood."

Quinn felt his hands ball up into a fist. Everything that smug little shit had said was true. He did miss it, even after four years, there were times when he just wanted to get on his bike and chase the horizon for ever. He loved his life here with Helen. Loved his Tacoma brothers. But Jax was right. Nomad blood ran through his veins. "My life is here."

Jax stood. "Just think about it. That's all I ask. Thanks for the coffee, I'll see myself out.

Helen was in the living room, staring sightlessly at the television. She looked up as he walked in. "Jax gone?"

"Yeah. I take it you heard all that."

She nodded. "He's right, isn't he? You do miss it."

"Not enough to risk what I have with you." He sat down and took her hand. "I told him no."

"I know." She turned and kissed him. "I love you Rane Quinn."

He growled as he felt his body respond to her touch and pulled her closer. He deepened the kiss, his teeth grazing her lips as his mouth devoured hers. Roughly, he pulled open her shirt and turned his attention to her tits, sucking and gently nibbling her beautiful pink nipples. She moaned and ran her fingers through his hair. Reluctantly, he pulled away, just long enough to pull his wife beater over his head and free himself from his increasingly uncomfortable jeans. Following his cue, with a salacious grin, Helen wiggled out of her sweatpants and, as soon as she was naked, pounced. Straddling him, she pressed herself against his bare chest as again she began to kiss him, more urgently than before, rubbing herself against his throbbing cock, causing him to growl harder. He grabbed her buttocks and lifted her until she was positioned just where he wanted, then as she lowered herself onto him, threw back his head and closed his eyes. Savouring the feeling of her beautiful pussy as it enveloped him. Slowly, she began to move, teasing him. Every time he tried to thrust, she halted. She was setting the pace and he was more than happy to let her. For now.

Slowly, almost imperceptibly, she began to pick up the pace as her orgasm grew. He opened his eyes. He loved to watch her come. The way she closed her eyes as the sensations washed over her. She moaned, louder this time. "Oh god. Rane I love you so much."

He grunted and, in a single move flipped her onto her back. He needed to… Oh sweet Jesus… he pounded into her, until…. Until…. He came like a freight train and collapsed on top of her. "I love you too."

For the rest of the day, she was quiet. He leaned against the counter and watched her as she washed up after dinner, a contemplative expression on her face. "You okay, Baby?"

"Sure." She smiled and and continued washing the dishes.

He pushed himself away from the counter and stood behind her, his hands resting lightly on her hips. "I'm staying here. With you." She leaned back against him and he kissed the top of her head. "You're the best thing to ever happen to me."

She turned and standing on tiptoes kissed him softly on the corner of his mouth. "And you are the best thing to happen to me." She sighed and after drying her hands, unclasped the pendant that he'd given her a lifetime ago. "I think it's time for you to wear this again."

"Helen, I can't."

"Yes you can." She kissed him again.

"But you said…."

"I know what I said. But you're dying here, Rane. A little bit at a time. I see it every time you walk out of church, and when you watch the nomads ride out. I heard what Jax said. If you don't lead them, the nomad charter will fall apart. They need you to do this. You need to do this."

"I don't want to lose you."

She reached up and fastened the pendant around his neck. "You wont."

"I nearly did before."

"Do you trust me?"

"Of course. Absolutely." He ran his fingers down her cheek.

She nodded and smiled. "I love you more than anything else in the world, and the thought of you out there terrifies me. But it's who you are." she slipped her arms around his waist. "Dee and Happy made it work, and so can we. It doesn't have to be forever, just until they find someone to take the president's patch. And as long as you don't take jobs that keep you away for months at a time we'll do just fine."

"No." He unclasped the pendant. "The club doesn't need me. There are plenty of brothers who have got what it takes to keep the nomads in line. And yeah, it does hurt when I see my brothers ride out. An' I got no time for petty politics, but it ain't gonna kill me." With one finger, he lifted her chin and kissed her. "Not sure I'd survive being away from you, though."

As his pulled her into his arms, and lifted her off her feet, she grinned through the tears that were threatening to fall. "You sure?"

"Sure, I'm sure." His grin matched hers. "So, have I earned a blow job?"


	5. Chapter 5

I don't own Sons of Anarchy

Waiting

I can't pretend I like it here. Oh, the staff are kind, and I have a nice view from the window of my room. But every decision has been taken away from me. Everything, from what and when I eat, to when I go to bed is decided by someone else. This is not how I wanted to spend my final years.

Most of the other inmates, sorry residents, are much older than me, and many have long since lost their minds. For me it's different, it's my body that let me down. I don't walk any more, I'm not even sure if I can. How long as it been? Months? Years? When was the last time I walked unaided, without pain?

I was always so strong. So independent. But slowly, as my bones began to crumble, I had to admit defeat and give in to the inevitable. I needed taking care of.

I could have gone to live with Happy and Dee, but their house is too noisy and chaotic and Dee has enough to deal with. With three kids, another on the way, as well as a full time job, the last thing they need is a shrivelled, old woman like me cluttering up the place. No, I might not like it, but I'm better here.

They visit pretty regularly. Dee pops in a couple of times a week on her way back from work, or the whole tribe will come and take me for a drive on a Sunday morning. Sometimes Happy comes alone, or brings one of the kids. Usually it's little Imi. That kid has got him wrapped around her little finger so tight, I'm surprised he doesn't have a baby seat on the back of his bike. He loves all his kids, but there is so much of Lacy in his youngest. She's feisty and quick to anger, but knows when to turn on the charm. Just like her cousin was at that age.

I miss Lacy. I miss her so much. When I think of her, I can feel my heart contract. She had her whole life ahead of her and to have it so cruelly ripped away like that, shattered me.

I love my grandkids and I wish I could spend time with them like I did with Lacy. Abi reminds me of her mom. There's that same determination about her. She studies hard at school and is top of her class in everything. If she's anything like her mom, she's going to succeed in whatever she decides to do.

Danny is his father's son. Has that same stubborn streak. I hope he doesn't go the way of his dad. Although Happy's settled now, he gave me more than a few sleepless nights and, if I'm honest, I still worry about him.

Little Imi is just a doll. When she's not throwing tantrums, of course.

Happy said he was going to visit today. I hope he comes soon. I'm so very tired these days. Just the effort of sitting in my chair exhausts me. I find I'm spending more and more time asleep. It's the meds, I know, but without them, the pain is more than I can endure. It wracks my body, even taking a breath hurts. I can feel my eyes close but I will fight the urge to sleep. I can sleep when I'm dead.

The young carer walks in. She's a sweet girl, not too bossy and she never seems to mind when I want to talk about the old days. "It's nearly lunch time, Mrs L. You want me to take you to the dining room?"

"Sure, honey." My voice sounds old, wavering. Rusty from lack of use. I want to clear my throat, but coughing hurts my ribs. I'm not really hungry, but I know that I have to eat something. As she pushes my chair along the long corridor, she chatters away about her latest boyfriend. I'm not really listening, but nod and make the appropriate responses.

Once at the table, she begins to cut my food for me, I broke my wrist last month, and while I do need help, it doesn't lessen the feeling of humiliation.

Lunch is, as usual, bland and unappetizing. Easy to swallow and digest, but I miss the spicy food I used to cook. I push it around my plate, but only manage a couple of mouthfuls. "Not hungry, Mrs L?" The girl, I forget her name, frowns and looks concerned. "You didn't eat your breakfast either."

I shrug, but really don't have the energy to answer.

"You look tired." She gently touches my shoulder. "How about I take you back to your room and get you into bed. Don't worry I'll wake you when your son arrives."

I'd prefer to wait in the big lounge overlooking the parking lot. I like to watch for him, to listen out for the sound of his bike. Today though, I'm too tired to argue, and I really would like to lay down. Just for a little while. I smile and nod.

I refuse to allow her to help me undress, preferring to just lay on top of the sheets. After all, when Happy gets here I'll get up again. I don't want him to worry about me.

I close my eyes as tiredness overwhelms me. At least when I sleep there's no pain.

"Nana Von?"

I open my eyes. "Lacy?"

She looks so beautiful. Her long blonde hair cascading across her shoulders, her big blue eyes shining in the dim light. She gives that lopsided grin, I've always loved and holds out her hand. "Wanna come with me?"

"I'm waiting for Happy. I can't come." I want to though. So very much.

"Sure you can. Hap will understand. C'mon, Nana Von. It's time to go."

I sigh and take her hand, unable to resist. Immediately the pain disappears. She grins as, hand in hand, we walk toward the light.


	6. Chapter 6

I don't own Sons of Anarchy

Alice

Helen smiled as she spotted Rane's bike parked outside their house. He'd told her not to expect him home until late, but it looked as though they were going to get to spend the evening together after all. She let herself in through the back door and frowned. She'd expected to find him in the kitchen. "Rane?"

"Up here."

She found him in the bedroom stuffing clothes into a bag. "What's going on?"

Looking up, he swallowed. "Hap called. It's Dee." He swallowed again. "Some fucker ran her off the road."

"Oh God. Is she?…. The baby?" She sank onto the bed.

He sat next to her. "She's pretty banged up, but she'll be okay. But…" he ran his fingers through his hair. "She's gone into labour."

They took his truck and shared the driving through the night. Neither spoke much. Helen reached over and touched his knee. "It'll be okay."

"Hope so, baby girl. If that kid doesn't make it…" He left the rest of the sentence unsaid.

"She'll make it, Rane."

* * *

She was so tiny. Helen blinked away her tears. A machine was helping her breathe and there seemed to be wires everywhere. Rane touched her shoulder. "I'm going to check in on Dee."

"Okay, I'll be there in a bit." She couldn't tear her eyes away.

"She's alive, Helen. Kid's got Lowman blood running through her veins. She'll be fine."

The nurse glanced over and nervously approached them. There had been a brief stand off when she'd insisted that only family was allowed. Rane had insisted emphatically that they _were _family, and they were going nowhere. In the end she'd capitulated. Rane Quinn was a very persuasive man. "I know she's tiny, but there's every chance she'll survive." She smiled. "She's a fighter."

"Course she is." Rane gave Helen's shoulder a squeeze. "C'mon, let's get out of the nurse's way. Dee should be awake now."

Apart from a massive bruise that was forming on the side of her face, Dee looked relatively unscathed. She opened her eyes as they walked in. "Have you seen her?"

"Yeah." He crossed the room and took her hand. "As soon as you're ready, we'll take you down so you can say hi."

"Okay. Thanks." She frowned. "Where's Hap?"

"He took off, baby girl. Don't worry, he just needs a moment. You know how he is. Tig's with him. He'll be back as soon as he gets his head straight."

She nodded and looked up at him. "She is going to be okay, isn't she?"

"Of course. She's tiny, and needs help with her breathing right now. But she will be just fine. Before you know it she'll be driving you nuts, just like the others." He pulled over two chairs and he and Helen sat down. "How 'bout you? That's an impressive shiner you got there."

"Some busted ribs and bruising, but I'll heal."

"What happened?" Helen leaned over and poured her a glass of water.

"Guy ran a red light. I was on my way home. Shit!" She struggled to sit up. "Who's with the kids?"

"Gemma's got them at hers. Everything's under control."

She leaned back as the tears started to fall. "I need Hap."

Rane stood and touched Helen's shoulder. "Stay here."

She nodded and took her friend's hand. "Rane will go get him. How about I go and see about getting you a wheelchair, so you can meet your daughter."

* * *

Quinn parked his truck behind the bikes and walked over to where Tig was sitting smoking a joint. "Where is he?"

"Over there." Tig pointed to a small park. "Just give him a minute, man. He needs a bit of quiet is all."

"Right now I don't give a shit what he needs." He crossed the road and marched over to where Happy was sitting on a bench overlooking a duck pond. "Hap." He sat down.

"I know what you're gonna say, brother, so save your breath." Happy looked out over the pond. "Lacy used to love it here. She'd ride round and round on that fucking bike of hers."

"You ain't gonna lose another kid, Hap."

"You seen her? She's too small, she wasn't breathing, Quinn."

"Yeah. I've seen her, and yeah, she's small and she needs help to breathe. But she'll grow an' get strong. You need to get back there, Hap. Dee needs you."

"I know. I ain't gonna run. I just needed a minute."

"Well you've had your minute, so I suggest you get back to that hospital an' give your ol' lady the support she needs. She's got enough to deal with without worrying where the fuck you might be."

"She thinks I've bailed?"

"Can you blame her, given your track record? I love you, brother, but you need to pull your head outta your ass, and be a proper ol' man."

Helen slipped her hand into Rane's as they walked toward the exit, leaving Happy and Dee gazing at the newest addition of the Lowman clan. "Have I ever told you what an amazing man you are."

"Goes without saying, baby girl." He grinned and kissed her head. "C'mon, if we're quick we can get a couple of hours sleep before Gemma brings the kids back."

* * *

They couldn't stay long, Helen had work. But for three days they stayed in Bakersfield to take care of the kids. Rane leaned on the door stop and watched his wife as she and the kids made cookies. She was so beautiful standing there, surrounded by kids, a smudge of flour on her cheek. Their eyes met and she smiled. "Hey."

"Hey." He crossed the space between them and with his thumb, gently wiped her cheek. "Hap just called. He'll be home about six."

"How's Alice?"

"She's doing real good. With any luck, they'll have her home for Christmas." He frowned and looked down at the two tiny, floury hand prints on his black wife beater. "Oh thanks for that Imi."

She grinned. "Wanna hug."

"Course you do." He picked her up and kissed her cheek. "You been making cookies for your uncle Rane?"

She pouted and shook her head.

"Not even one?"

She held up one finger. "One." Reaching down, she grabbed a chocolate chip and popped it into his mouth. "Lub you unc Rane."

"Love you back sweetheart." He stood her back on the chair and turned to Helen. "I'm gonna go up and pack. We can head off home first thing in the morning."

She nodded. "They are going to be okay, aren't they?"

"Sure they are." He kissed her. "They'll have all the help they need."

* * *

Rane rolled his shoulder. They had been on the road for eight hours and while it was more comfortable than his bike, the truck wasn't what could be described as luxurious. Helen frowned and touched his arm. "Want to stop for a bit?"

"I'm okay."

"I know, but we need to eat and my ass is numb."

"There's a place just up the road, does decent grub. We'll stop there." He looked over and smiled. "Wouldn't want you losing the feeling in that fine ass of yours."

He watched as she pulled apart her burger. "You gonna eat that, or just mutilate it."

"Sorry. I'm just not hungry, I guess."

"Helen." He reached over and took her hand. "Every thing is going to be fine. Alice is making good progress. Dee will be back in one piece in no time."

"I know." She sighed. "I just wish we could do more to help."

He brought her hand up to his lips and kissed her fingers. "I know, baby girl. We'll come back as soon as we can. I know how much you enjoy spending time with the kids, and they love having you there."

She didn't reply and he gave her hand a squeeze. "Helen?"

"I know I shouldn't. Especially now. But I envy Dee so much." She looked up and her eyes met his. "I want what she has."

"I know." It killed him. She was forty two, time was running out. "I'm sorry."

"It isn't your fault, Rane." She smiled a little sadly. "I'll be okay. It just gets to me sometimes."

"Maybe we should see someone. Y'know, about sperm donation or something."

"I want _your _kid, Rane." She shrugged. "Maybe we'll get lucky this month."

"Shit, I hope so, baby girl. No one deserves it more than you."

He insisted on driving the rest of the way home, he didn't care how much his shoulder was aching, Helen hated driving the truck and it was the least he could do.

Helen looked over to her stubborn, proud husband and smiled. "I love you Rane Quinn."


	7. Chapter 7

I don't own Sons of Anarchy

Angel

If he was asked, Happy would say he loved all his kids equally. This was true. Each held a special place in his heart.

He was so proud of his eldest daughter. She was smart, worked hard in school and at nearly seventeen, still eschewed boys in favour of books. She was full of talk of medical school, and he didn't doubt for a second she'd achieve her dreams. He grinned. A doctor in the family. His ma would have been so proud.

Danny, was the quiet one of the family. Like his dad, he didn't talk much, but he missed nothing. He had the makings of a good mechanic and they would spend hours together in the garage working on his bike. He rode well too, despite his tender years and was already talking about prospecting as soon as he was old enough. Happy wasn't sure how he felt about that. He loved his life and his role in the club, but did he want that for his only son? Probably not. He knew though, that if it was what Danny wanted, he wouldn't stand in his way.

Imi was the joker. Always the first with the witty comment and quick comeback. Never a day went by when she didn't make him laugh out loud. Of all his kids, she was also the most volatile. Everything was a drama with her, and he dreaded to think what she'd be like when she hit her teens.

He looked over to where Alice, the baby of the family, lay on her belly in front of the TV and his heart swelled. He may have loved his kids equally, but none filled his heart quite like his little angel.

From the moment she'd come, too early, into the world, clinging on to life by her finger tips, this tiny scrap of humanity had touched the hearts of everyone she met.

His every instinct as he'd gazed at his daughter, no bigger than his hand, laying in that incubator, had told him to run. To jump on his bike to escape the roaring in his head. He'd known though, that it was never an option. She needed him. Dee needed him. So he'd stayed. Too afraid to love her, but unable to stop himself.

For two long months they had divided their time between the hospital and home. Nothing else mattered. Even the club took second place. Until, finally they had been able to take her home. She was still tiny and was still being fed through a tube, but she'd survived.

Over the next few months, it became clear she wasn't like their other kids. Even after she began feeding and starting to gain weight, there were setbacks. She was prone to infections and with fevers came fits. She didn't respond in the same way as their other kids had. She rarely cried, but would startle when touched, and missed many of those important milestones. The reason soon became clear. His little Alice was deaf. Trapped in a silent world.

On hearing the news he'd freaked out. He'd needed someone to blame. The doctors, Dee. Himself. Fortunately his amazing old lady had taken control of the situation. She found somewhere that taught sign language and promptly enrolled them. Now, not only did his family sign fluently, but his brothers and their old ladies too. It hadn't been easy at first, and he'd hated the idea of getting outside help. But if they were going to give his little angel the best start in life, they were going to need all the help they could get.

Now though, nearly seven years later. He wouldn't change one thing about her. She was a bright little thing, still tiny and not as physically robust as her siblings, but as sharp as a pin.

He looked up at the sound of a bike approaching, and crossing the room crouched down and touched her shoulder. "Uncle Tig's here."

She grinned and scrambled to her feet, staggering slightly as she stood- there was a slight weakness on her right side- then trotted to the door to greet her favourite uncle.

"Hey there." Tig bent and kissed her cheek. "You ready to go?"

She nodded. "Can we get ice cream?"

Happy watched as she trotted over to the shoe rack. His brother had been smitten from the first time he'd set eyes on her, and would try to take her out as often as he could. Alice loved to play with her brother and sisters, but she tired easily and struggled to keep up, and spending time with Tig had worked wonders for her self confidence. Usually they went to the nearby stables, she loved ponies and riding helped her balance and to build her muscles.

She sat on the floor and pulled on her shoes. Tig frowned and caught her eye. "Forget something?" He pointed to the brace she was supposed to wear on her leg.

She shook her head emphatically and stuck out her chin. "Don't need it."

"Fine, but I'm not carrying you if you get tired."

She rolled her eyes. "I wont get tired."

Happy grinned. His little girl was one tough cookie. She was, after all, a Lowman. He handed Tig the keys to his truck. "She'll be fine, bro."

"I know." Tig turned so she couldn't see him talking. "How did it go with the audiologist?"

Happy shrugged. "Usual stand off. She wont be persuaded to wear a hearing aid. The noise freaks her out and she still can't pick up what anyone says to her."

Tig chuckled. "Can't imagine where she gets that stubborn streak from."

A small hand tapped his leg. He turned to look at his, now scowling daughter. "Stop talking about me."

"Sorry Angel." He crouched down and kissed her forehead. "Uncle Tig was asking about the hospital visit."

Her scowl grew deeper. "I don't need a hearing aid. It's too noisy."

"I know. No one is going to make you have one if you don't want to." He stood. "Now be good for Tig, okay?"

"I'm always good, daddy."

He watched them as they walked to his truck, telling each other stupid jokes. He'd been so afraid he was going to lose another kid and afraid of what the future held for little Alice. But now, as he watched her go from strength to strength, he knew that she'd be just fine.

He sat down and closed his eyes. The rest of his brood would be home soon, so he fully intended to enjoy the peace and quiet while he could.

He must have fallen asleep, because after what felt like only a few minutes he was woken by the slamming of the kitchen door. He looked up as Danny sauntered in and slumped bonelessly onto the sofa. "Hey son."

"Hey. Where is everyone?"

"Your mom's out with Abs and Imi. They wont be back till they've maxed out my credit card, and Alice is out with Tig." He stretched. "You hungry? There some of that Chinese thing your mom made last night. I can nuke that for you."

"Nah. I ate at Billy's. Are we still having a barbecue tonight?"

"Yeah, the guys should be here in a couple of hours. So you got plenty of time to do your homework."

"Ain't got no homework."

"Sure you ain't. Just get it done Danny."

"Fine." Happy grinned as his son stamped upstairs, slamming the bedroom door behind him. He doubted any homework would get done. Danny wasn't big on schoolwork. His smarts lay elsewhere.

Reluctantly he dragged himself to his feet. He was going to have to get the barbecue going and make sure there was enough beers in the fridge. Dee had taken care of everything else and would be pissed if he didn't at least make a bit of an effort.

Later as he stood in the back yard surrounded by his family and friends, he couldn't keep the grin from spreading across his face. This was what the club was all about. No matter what shit was going down, or how much blood was spilled, this was what it all boiled down to

His eyes fell on Alice, curled up on the swing seat, struggling to keep her eyes open and crossing the yard, touched her arm. "Ready for bed?"

She yawned and nodded. She was a little unsteady on her feet as she made her way to the stairs, as was often the case when she was tired, but he knew she wouldn't accept any help from him.

Happy loved all his kids equally, but this tiny, stubborn little girl would always hold a special place in his heart.

His Alice. His Angel.


	8. Chapter 8

I don't own Sons of Anarchy

Two little lines

All was not well in the Quinn household. Rane closed his eyes as the sound of kitchen cupboards slamming filled the house, and wondered vaguely whether Helen was hunting for a knife. Certainly, the way things were going, one of them was going to wind up dead, and he was pretty sure it was going to be him.

A loud crash and a stream of curses caused him to open his eyes, and he debated the merits of going to see if she was okay, then closing them again, thought better of it.

He'd been laid up for just over a week after putting his back out by, of all the stupid things, reaching for the remote control, and was under strict instructions to rest for at least a fortnight. No work, no lifting and no riding. He wasn't dealing well, and Helen had been on the receiving end of his bad temper for the last few days. In the past she'd always dealt with him, and his moods in her usual calm manner. This time however, she was having none of it. As a result it had been a week of yelling and stony silences.

The cursing stopped and silence descended once again. She was crying, he knew. Shit. He really should go in there. He knew that if he stood up, it would reawaken the pain in his back, and he really hated to see chicks cry. Even the thought of a bread knife embedded in his chest wasn't enough to stop him. She was upset and it was his fault. Grunting in pain, he struggled to his feet. He was going to have to man up and make this right.

"Helen?"

"Leave me alone."

"C'mon, baby girl." He hobbled over to where she was on her knees, sweeping up the shattered glass. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled."

"Just fuck off, Rane." She sniffed and roughly wiped away her tears. "I can't stand to even look at you right now."

"Helen. Just leave that. Please, let me make it right."

"What's the point?" She carried on sweeping, refusing to look up at him. "Everything I do is wrong."

"I've apologised. What more do you want me to do?"

She shrugged. "I want you to leave me alone." She stood and emptied the dustpan into the bin.

He touched her arm, and she brushed his hand away. "What part of fuck off and leave me alone, don't you understand?"

Rane could feel the anger rising. He was really trying here. "You might wanna watch your mouth darling."

"Or what?" She turned to face him. God she was hot when she was angry. "You gonna yell at me some more? Let's face it, that's all you've done for the last week." She pushed past him.

"Where the fuck do you think you're going?"

"Out."

"Out where?" Ignoring the fact that his back was now screaming at him, he followed her. "I said, out where?"

"Anywhere but here." She grabbed her coat and flounced out, slamming the door behind her.

"Shit." Rane slammed his fist into the wall. "Fuck." Now she'd be bitching about the hole in the drywall when she came home. If she came home.

He must have fallen asleep. He guessed that what Oxy and Jack did to a person. Helen was home and preparing dinner. He was a little pissed that she hadn't woken him, but given the current situation, decided to let it ride. Struggling to his feet, he hobbled into the kitchen. "Hey."

She turned and gave him a tiny smile. "Hey."

"I'm sorry I yelled." He reached out and touched her arm. She stiffened slightly but didn't brush his hand away like before. "Are we okay?"

"I guess." She didn't sound okay, but he decided not to push her. Instead he eased himself carefully onto the dining chair and watched as she prepared dinner. She looked tired and a little pale. He guessed she hadn't been sleeping any better than him. She put a plate in front of him, and sitting down began pushing her own food around.

"Not hungry?" He frowned, she hadn't taken more than a couple of mouthfuls, before pushing her plate away.

"Not really." She smiled. "I'm just tired, I guess."

He nodded and resisted the urge to reach out and touch her. She looked so sad, and it was all his fault. "How 'bout I sleep in the guest room tonight. At least that way one of us will get a decent night's sleep."

"No. It's fine, really. You're not keeping me awake."

"You sure?"

She looked at him and smiled. "I'd rather lay awake with you, than sleep without you. You may have been acting like a douche, but I still love you."

"I love you too, baby girl."

* * *

Over the next few days, his back improved. So much so, that by the end of the following week he could not only put his boots on without help, but he could also ride again. While his mood had improved considerably, Helen's had not. For the life of him, Rane couldn't figure it out. She wasn't eating properly and seemed tired and distant all the time, and whenever he asked what was wrong, she practically snapped his head off. Maybe taking care of him, had been a glimpse into the future. He had nearly nine years on her and wasn't a young man any more. He couldn't really blame her if she wanted to bail.

He parked his bike next to her cage and let himself in through the front door and headed into the kitchen. She turned and smiled. "Hey, dinner will be a while."

"Okay. I'm gonna take a shower."

As he turned, she raised her hand. "Rane, wait. Sit down. Please."

He sat. "What's up?"

"Nothing." Her smile got wider as she placed a small strip of white plastic on the table in front of him.

"Is this?" He couldn't take his eyes off those two little blue lines. "Does this mean what I think it means?"

She grinned. "Yep. It means that you're going have to put up with me being a moody bitch for the next few months."

**Short and sweet. Just something nice for Christmas.**

**Thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed. Hope you all had a peaceful Christmas. Will update soon. I promise.**

**Sarah. xx**


	9. Chapter 9

I don't own Sons of Anarchy

Scared

Rane Quinn was not a man who scared easily. He'd stared down the reaper more times than he cared to remember and had never once been afraid. But now, as he gazed at this tiny girl in his arms, he was terrified.

The fear had been building for months, ever since Helen had announced she was pregnant. At first it was just for his wife, despite the fact that she'd had an uneventful pregnancy he'd had to constantly fight the urge to wrap her in cotton wool. Every night he'd lay awake, fretting over a million nightmare scenarios. He knew things could go wrong. Hap's youngest had nearly died and even now at a year old, still wasn't completely out of the woods.

Helen wasn't young, forty three was considered old for a first time mom, and that scared him. What if her body couldn't cope with the rigors that a pregnancy entailed? What is the kid was born with a disability? What if….? For night after night, he worried. He never shared his fears, afraid that somehow by vocalising them, they would become a reality.

All the time, while he fretted and drove her nuts trying to keep her safe, his wife blossomed. She didn't suffer from morning sickness or any other of the awful side effects he'd read about in the books she'd bought. And once the first couple of months of crazy were out the way, became more serene than he'd ever known her. Despite this, he couldn't relax, not when she insisted on carrying on as normal. He'd accompanied her for every scan, every doctors appointment, went with her to the store and all but banned her from parties at the clubhouse. Someone might bump into her, and the atmosphere was too smoky. Obviously he wouldn't take her for rides and only fucked her because she was horny as hell, and threw tantrums if he refused her, which he figured would be bad for the baby.

He quit smoking, and if he had to go on a run, would call her as often as possible. As the months went on, instead of relaxing, he grew more and more irritable. His brothers tip toed around him, they were tough, but Quinn was tougher, and most had been on the receiving end of his moods.

As her due date grew closer, his anxiety increased. What if something went wrong? What if Helen bled to death, or the baby was starved of oxygen? Why the fuck was she so calm all the fucking time? Did she not realize what could go wrong?

Even riding didn't help. The growl of the engine did nothing to silence the noise in his head, and at times he'd have to pull over as the feeling of panic overwhelmed him.

If he'd thought her pregnancy was bad, it was a walk in the park compared to the actual labor. Again, it had been drama free, Helen had managed without pain relief and there was none of the screaming he'd envisioned. Despite this, it nearly killed him. He paced the room, yelled at the nurses, begged her to take something for the pain. Never in his entire life, had he felt so useless. The only thing that kept him grounded was the knowledge that soon it would be all over and he could relax.

At two minutes to midnight, Amelia Jayne Quinn entered the world, weighing a healthy eight and a half pounds. He watched as the midwife passed his daughter to her mom and waiting for the feeling of relief to wash over him….. And waited.

Helen looked up and smiled. "You going to say hi, to your daughter?"

He nodded mutely and took the baby from her. Immediately, she opened her eyes and whimpered. "Shhh, baby girl." He swallowed as the waves of emotions washed over him. She fell silent at the sound of his voice, and with a grin, he passed her back to his old lady. "I'm just gonna go out and make a few calls, I wont be long."

"Okay, tell Dee I'll call her as soon as I can." She ran her fingers across Amelia's downy hair and smiled. "We really did it Rane. We made a person."

"Yeah we did." He bent and kissed her softly. "Although you did all the work."

* * *

Dee answered on the second ring. "Rane?"

"Hey baby. Or should I say Aunt Dee."

She laughed. "Congratulations. Are mom and daughter okay?"

"Yeah, they're perfect." He swallowed and fell silent.

"Rane?"

"I'm still here. I just…" He sank on to a nearby bench."

"What's wrong, big man. They are okay right?"

"Yeah, they're fine. It's just… just." He took a deep breath. "I'm fucking terrified, Dee. What if I fuck it up? What if she hates me? Shit, I sound like a real pussy here."

Dee laughed. "Oh babe, you don't sound like a pussy. Of course you're terrified. Having kids is scary."

"So when does it stop?"

"I'll get back to you on that one, but I'm guessing when you're six feet under."

"Shit."

"It's all part of being a parent, Rane. When they're babies you worry that they'll stop breathing, when they're toddlers that they'll fall or swallow something. You worry while they're at school. And if you think it gets easier when they hit their teens, well think again. We worry. They keep us up at night. We beat ourselves up when we fuck up. And trust me, you will fuck up. It's worth it though. The first time she smiles at you. Her first word." She chuckled. "When you walk her up the aisle. Those are the moments that make it all worthwhile. You and Helen are going to make great parents, I guarantee it."

"Thanks Dee." He laughed. "You made me feel a lot better. I think."

Mother and daughter were fast asleep when he got back to their room. Ignoring the first rule of parenting - let sleeping babies lie - he picked up his daughter and, sitting down on the chair next to the bed, held her against his chest. "I just been talking to your auntie Dee, little one. You're gonna love her, she's real smart."


	10. Chapter 10

I don't own Sons of Anarchy

**The end. Part one. Rane.**

1-2-3-4-5. "Breathe, motherfucker." 1-2-3-4-5.

"Quinn, brother. He's gone."

"Shut the fuck up." 1-2-3-4-5. "Come on, Hap. Don't die on me." 1-2-3-4-5.

Two pairs of hands grabbed him by the upper arms and dragged him to his feet. "Let go of me. I gotta…." He threw them off as if they were nothing, and sank back down next to his fallen brother. 1-2-3-4-5. "Just take a fucking breath."

Tig crouched down and put his hand on his shoulder. "Quinn. Stop. Look at me, brother. We have to get outta here."

"No. I'm not leaving him."

"There's nothing you can do for him." The sound of sirens grew closer. "We gotta go. Now Quinn."

As he looked into Tig's eyes, he knew he had no choice but to allow himself to be led back to his bike. Trancelike, he followed his Redwood brothers back along the back roads towards Charming and the relative safety of the clubhouse.

Happy was dead. His oldest and closest friend was gone. He glanced over to the bar where Jax was talking in hushed tones to Bobby and Chibs. All because that jumped up little piece of shit thought he knew best. Marching over to where they were standing, he pushed the young president hard in the chest. "This is on you asshole."

"Quinn, you're upset. But no one could have predicted this."

"I fucking predicted it. I told you that double crossing the Irish was a bad idea, you arrogant little snot." He pushed again. Harder this time. "My brother is dead because he stepped in front of a bullet meant for you. How you planning on explaining that to his ol' lady and kids Huh? All because you thought that you could rip off the Irish Kings and there'd be no repercussions."

"You need to back off, brother." Chibs stepped in front of him. "We all voted. This was a club decision."

"Then this charter is done for. I got nothing to say to any of you."

* * *

It was all falling apart. As he rode, Quinn could feel the pieces of his life crumble to dust. Over the last seven years he'd tried everything to hold it all together. He'd gone nomad again, despite his promise to Helen. Transferred to Charming, against his better judgement. And when he realised that wasn't going to work out, had transferred back to Tacoma. He had been so hell bent on saving the club, that he hadn't noticed as his marriage too began to disintegrate. They were still hanging on in there, for the sake of Amelia, if nothing else. But the killings, the arrests. Just the sheer amount of time he spent away from his family had taken their toll. And now his closest brother was dead. He'd laid on that deserted road and bled to death, and there was nothing he could do about it.

He pulled over to the side of the road, too blinded by his tears to continue. Throwing back his head and, as the indifferent gods watched, he roared at the heavens. One by one, the coyotes began to howl, their voices joining his as he released all the anger and pain that had been locked deep inside him for so long.

So many people had died. Some, like his former nomad brothers and Clay, as a result of their own greed and stupidity, but most had laid down their lives for the club. Then there were the innocents, the wives and children. Jesus, how many had been caught up in all this shit? How many more families were going to get torn apart? He fell silent and taking a deep breath, started the engine. He had to get to Tacoma. He had to get home.

These days, he would usually split a journey over a couple of days. As sixty approached, there was only so much his body would tolerate. This time, however, he pushed on, welcoming the pain and discomfort. It was nothing less than he deserved.

It was late when he let himself into the house, and both Helen and Amelia were asleep. He limped upstairs and headed for the family bathroom. He couldn't face them still caked in the blood of his brother. He wasn't sure he could face them at all. The scalding water did nothing to ease his aching muscles or wash away the self loathing that had wrapped itself around him.

* * *

Amelia stirred and opened her eyes as he ran his hand across her blonde curls. "Daddy?"

"Right here, sweetheart." His voice sounded hoarse. "You gonna shift over an' let me give you a cuddle?"

Burying his face in her hair, he pulled her closer and squeezed his eyes closed in an attempt to stem his tears. "Daddy. You're squishing me."

"Sorry baby." He loosened his hold on her. "I guess I just need extra cuddles today."

"Mommy needs them too. She was crying for _ages._"

Shit. "I guess I better go and cuddle her, then." He kissed her forehead. "Go back to sleep, sorry I woke you."

"S'okay. Did my cuddle make you better?"

"More than you'll ever know." He kissed her again. "You're the best cuddler in the world, Amelia Quinn."

Helen lay facing the wall, with her back to him. He climbed in next to her and touched her shoulder. "Helen." She stiffened slightly but didn't respond. "Helen. Please."

Slowly she turned over. "I can't do this anymore."

"Not now, please baby girl. I can't have that conversation now."

Laying her hand on his cheek, she examined his face in the dim half light. "Oh, Rane. I'm so sorry." She pulled him closer and wrapped her arms around him.

"I couldn't save him." He closed his eyes and rested his head against her chest, while she stroked his hair. "There was nothing I could do."

Despite being exhausted, sleep eluded him. Every time he closed his eyes, the image of Happy fighting for his last breath flashed into his mind. Ignoring his aching muscles he slowly climbed out of bed and pulling on his jeans, headed downstairs fully intending to drink himself into oblivion.

"Rane?"

He looked up as his old lady walked into the kitchen and sat opposite him. "Sorry did I wake you?"

She shook her head. "Too much noise in my head to sleep." Reaching over the table, she took his hand. "So what happens now?"

"I dunno, baby girl. You speak to Dee?"

"Yeah, I've got a flight booked for tomorrow. I'm leaving Amelia with my mom."

"Your mom? Couldn't Jen or Yaz have her?"

"I don't want her anywhere near the club." He opened his mouth to speak and she raised her hand. "It's not up for discussion, Rane."

He nodded and ran his hand over his forehead. "How's Dee doing?"

"How do you think she's doing? The man she has loved her entire life is dead." Helen closed her eyes. "I'm going to stay with her till after the funeral."

"And after that?"

She shrugged. "Honestly? I don't know."

"I'm going to lose you aren't I?"

She opened her eyes and looked over to where his cut was hanging behind the door. "I hope not."

"I love you Helen. You and Amelia are the only good things in my life. Without you, there's nothing."

"It's not enough. Not any more."

"Please don't make me choose." He tightened his grip on her hand. "You can't make me choose."

"What would you have me do? Lay awake, night after night? Waiting for that phone call or knock at the door. You want me to end up like Dee? Or Jen? You want Amelia to grow up without a father? Or maybe you'd prefer I end up like Donna. Maybe you want our kid to end up like Tig's. Like Lacy?"

"Stop this!" Snatching his hand away, Rane stood, sending his chair crashing to the ground. "I told you, I don't want to talk about this now. Not everything is about you. My brother is dead!"

"Because of the club!" Pushing her own chair back, Helen too, leapt to her feet. "Happy is dead because of the club. Kozic, Opie, Donna. How many more?" She sat back down again and began to cry. "Dee is a widow, because of the club. Those kids are going to grow up fatherless, because of the club." She took a deep breath. "I know how much this is hurting you. You've just had your closest friend die in your arms. I understand and if I could make it stop, I would. But you just don't see it do you? You're hurting, because of the club.

**AU**

**Oh come on. You know me by now. They were all waaaay too happy. **

**I Originally planned on writing a long ass chapter, but for various reasons. (Not least because I wanted to prolong the agony, I love a bit of angst) I've decided it works better split into two, or maybe three. **

**Sooo, sorry, I guess. Mwhahahahahaha **


	11. Chapter 11

I don't own Sons of Anarchy.

The end. Part two. Helen.

The clubhouse was packed to the rafters. Sons from far and wide had come to say goodbye to Happy, and by the sound of things they were determined to send him off in style.

Helen sat on the picnic bench and closed her eyes. Tomorrow she would be flying home. After five days away, she was looking forward to being with her daughter again, but she knew that she and Rane really needed to talk.

For five days, she had watched as her friend dealt with the loss of the only man she had really loved. Dee had carried herself with a quiet dignity. Whatever she was feeling was contained deep within her, only the look in her eyes gave away the true extent of her pain. She accepted offers of help and condolences gracefully and focused all her time on comforting their children. Only once, had Helen seen her fall apart.

Rane had arrived with the rest of the charter the day before the funeral, choosing to ride down with his brothers over flying with his wife. Instead of going to Charming, he had headed straight for Bakersfield.

Helen wasn't sure, as she watched him limp to the front door, pain and grief, etched onto his face, whether she was proud or pissed. But as she watched him hold her friend as she collapsed sobbing into his arms, she knew she loved that proud, stubborn man as much as she ever did. Their eyes met and she gave him a tiny smile, before turning and heading back into the house, leaving them alone to grieve for the man they both loved, in private.

For the rest of the day, they had hidden themselves away in Happy's den. Helen watched over the kids, and left them alone. They had both needed this quiet time together before the funeral the next day. And when they had emerged later that evening they both seemed better. Emotionally drained, but lighter somehow.

Every time she attended one of the, too many, Son's funerals, the overwhelming emotion she felt was anger. Happy's was no exception. As the son's gathered to accompany the man who had taken a bullet for his president from the clubhouse to the funeral home, Helen's rage simmered. It was such a waste. Another life lost, and for what? There was no noble cause. He hadn't lived a long life, or succumbed to illness. He had died for nothing, for a stupid pointless ideology. For a fucking motorcycle club.

Protocol dictated that colours must be shown when escorting a fallen brother, which meant that riding with Rane wasn't an option. As much as she loved riding with him, she couldn't help feeling relieved. She didn't want to wrap her arms around him, or press her cheek against his broad back. To feel him under her hands. That felt too much like loving him. And right now, she didn't want to love a Son. Instead she rode with the other old ladies from Tacoma, it wasn't ideal, but she couldn't face being with Dee and the kids. She wasn't being cowardly, the previous five days had been spent with them. It was just, right now she was even angry with her friend. How could she stand to be near the people who were responsible for Happy's death?

Happy was to be cremated and his ashes buried with his mother. Helen watched impassively as the curtain closed around the casket. She hated Happy for putting his family through this. She wouldn't grieve for him. She blinked away her tears. She wouldn't.

Next to her, she felt Rane reach for her hand, but kept hers stuffed in her pockets and her eyes fixed ahead of her. She felt, rather than saw his frown, but didn't care. Right now the last thing she wanted to do was touch him.

Later, as everyone piled back into the clubhouse, she hung back. She knew that the old ladies were expected to be in there, making sure everyone got fed and that the kids were taken care of. Helen figured it didn't apply to her. She only there to support her friend. She wasn't an old lady. Not any more.

"Hey." Rane stood in front of her and held out a helmet. "Take a ride with me."

"I.." She looked away.

"I ain't asking, Helen." Her grabbed her by the upper arm and marched her to his bike. "Get on."

For two hours they rode, heading west until they hit the coast. Rane pulled off the road and dismounting, started to walk toward the beach. Reluctantly, she followed and sat, not quite touching him, on the dune. He pulled a joint from his pocket and lit it. "I need you to listen to what I have to say." Taking a deep pull, he passed it to her. "All the way here, I was thinking about what you said. You're angry, I get that. I'm angry too. You think this is what I wanted? You think that I'm okay with losing my closest brother?"

"No I…."

"No, hear me out. I'm a Son, Helen. Sometimes, like right now, I wish I wasn't, but I can't change who I am. I wish I could explain it but I don't have the words." He took a deep breath and grabbing her shoulders, turned her round to face him. "I'm a Son. It doesn't matter where I am or what I'm doing, first and foremost that's what I am. I meant what I said, about you and Amelia. I love you both and I hate the thought of losing you. I need you, baby girl. Hap told me once that Dee and the kids were what kept all the darkness away. Till, I met you, I didn't understand what he meant." He gently ran his finger down her cheek. "But if you make me choose. I wont choose you. I want to. But I can't."

"You could just…"

He sighed. "No I couldn't, this ain't the fucking boy scouts. While I can ride, I will be a Son. I'll still be a Son when they put me in a box."

"So where does that leave me?"

He shrugged. "I dunno. I guess it leaves you where you've always been. You wanna walk away, I wont stop you."

"You would sacrifice your family for the club? You love it that much?"

His laugh was bitter. "Right now, I probably hate it more than you do. Don't make no difference though. I don't expect you to understand, don't fully get it myself. I'm not part of the club, it's part of me."

"I hate it, Rane. I fucking hate it so much."

"You love me?"

"Of course." She laid her hand on his cheek. "It's because I love you, that I hate the club so much. It's going to take you from me."

Taking her hand away from his cheek, he pressed it against his lips. "I'm sorry."

"What am I supposed to do Rane?"

"Stay. Stay with me."

"And if I can't?"

"Then you have to walk away, and never look back."


	12. Chapter 12

I don't own Sons of Anarchy.

The end. Part three. Dee.

She'd known as soon as she opened the door. It had been Chibs and Tig, who had come to break the news. Not Jax. A tiny part of her was angered by that. Her old man had saved his life, it should have been him standing there. She squirreled the feeling away. Now wasn't the time. Right now other emotions were clambering for her attention. She recognised them all, the grief, the anger, the pain. One by one, they wrapped themselves around her and burrowed under her skin.

Happy was dead and she was alone. No not alone. She looked over to where Tig was sitting, Alice on his lap. Trying, while struggling to keep a lid on his own grief, to comfort her youngest and to Chibs and Abi, quietly making tea for everyone. No not alone. Did it make the pain easier to bear? She wasn't sure. She ran her fingers through Imi's hair - the poor kid had cried herself to sleep - and tried to put her thoughts in order.

Happy was dead. The man she had loved her whole life was gone. The tears rolled unchecked down her cheeks as something died inside her.

It had been Chibs who had broke the news to the kids, although she was pretty sure that they, like her, had known before they were told. She was so grateful to the Scot for stepping in, when she couldn't find the words. He hadn't sugar coated it, but neither had he been brutal. Their father had been killed, an accident he said. The look on her oldest daughter's face told her, that she at least, knew that wasn't the entire truth, but it would do for now.

Abi, had reacted calmly. Like her mom, she needed to process how she felt. She busied herself, comforting her younger siblings and making food that no one was going to eat.

On hearing the news, Danny had stormed upstairs and locking himself in his room, drowned out his sobs with heavy metal. The only person he had spoken to was Abi. Danny was his father's son, and would try to lock down his emotions. Dee hoped that he wouldn't shut them all out in the process.

Imi had been beside herself. She of all the kids, had the most complicated relationship with her dad. They were poles apart in temperament, but they understood each other absolutely. They clashed and knocked heads over practically everything, but it would be him she cuddled up to in front of the TV in the evenings. Dee thought it would be Imi who felt his loss the most.

Little Alice had just climbed onto Tig's lap and closed her eyes. Effectively shutting out everything around her. At nearly eight she understood, but it was too big to take in, so she'd turned to Tig, her crazy uncle, to make her feel safe. Dee smiled, a little sadly as she recalled Jax telling her, that she should think carefully about letting Tig near her kids. If she was honest she had been wary of him at first, but Alice loved him and he loved her, and right now, she was so glad he was there.

A hand touched her shoulder, and she looked up into Chibs' kind eyes. "I've gotta head back into Charming, love. Tig will stay here tonight. Someone will be round in the morning. You won't be left hanging, I promise."

"Thanks." Dee smiled. She liked Chibs. She didn't know him well but he seemed kind. Living in Bakersfield meant that she didn't get to see most of them that often. She would throw the odd dinner party or barbecue, but Hap's brothers didn't hang out at their place like they had in Tacoma, and, apart from Tig, she hadn't grown close to any of the patches or their old ladies.

"Quinn's ol' lady just called. She will be flying in the day after tomorrow. I'll make sure someone's there to meet her."

"Did she say if Rane will be with her?" She loved Helen, but it was Rane she needed. He would understand.

"No. He left after….After. He probably isn't back there yet."

"Is he okay?"

"Not really, Hen. He took it hard."

She nodded. "He and Happy have always been close."

Chibs nodded and swallowing hard, squeezed her shoulder. "I'll see you tomorrow, love."

* * *

She was worried about Helen. Despite being wrapped in her own grief, Dee had become aware that something was very wrong with her friend. She'd done all the right things. Hugged her when she cried, accompanied her to the funeral home and sat with her she poured over legal documents with her lawyer. She, with Abi had made countless drinks and sandwiches, and spent hours with the kids. But she never once said Happy's name. And whenever his brothers or their old ladies came by, she disappeared into one of the bedrooms with the kids. Dee couldn't quite put her finger on it, there was too much other stuff swirling around inside her. But she'd known her for long enough to know that there was something definitely off about Helen's behaviour. Maybe when Rane got there…

There was a tiny voice inside her, telling her over and over again that Rane wouldn't make everything alright. She knew this to be true. Life would never be alright again. But right now, the only way she could function was to tell herself over and over again, that she only had to hold it together till his got there. He couldn't put her and Happy back together again this time. But he would be able to hold her while she fell apart.

* * *

To say she was shocked by his appearance would be an understatement. She had expected him to be tired, riding a thousand miles overnight would take it out of anyone and he wasn't a young man anymore. But as he'd limped toward her, his left arm pressed tightly against his side, what had shaken her was the look of defeat in his eyes. "Rane." She ran towards him, vaguely aware of Helen standing close by.

"Shhh. I got ya, baby girl." He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her, sobbing, close against his chest. "I'm so sorry."

She led him to Happy's den. Unlike their Tacoma home, this was less of a man cave for him and his brothers and more of a small private study. Just somewhere for him to escape to sometimes. Rane sat next to her on the small two seater sofa with a grunt and took her hand. "How you doing, baby girl?"

"Like shit." She wiped her eyes and blew her nose. "How am I supposed to go on without him?"

He shrugged. "I really don't have any answers for you, Dee. I'm sorry."

"It's okay." She leaned against his shoulder. "I didn't expect any. I guess I'll figure it out. It's not like I have any choice." She blinked as the tears started to fall again. "It really fucking hurts though."

"Yeah. It really fucking does." With his arm around her shoulders, he pulled her closer and kissed the top of her head.

"Rane?" For the last hour they had barely spoken. They didn't need to talk, both understood what the other was feeling.

"Yeah?" His voice sounded rough.

"What's going on with you and Helen?"

"Me an' Helen are fine. Ain't you got enough to worry about? Pretty sure you don't need my shit as well."

"Right now, I'd rather focus on your shit than mine." She gave a tiny smile. "What's going on, Rane?"

He sighed. "I think Helen's reached the end of her rope. Can't say I blame her."

"Have you talked?"

"Does yelling count as talking?" He shook his head. "We don't do much talking anymore."

"But you still love each other?"

"That ain't the issue."

"The club."

"Ain't it always. All the shit that's gone down recently has shook her up bad. Hap getting killed was the final straw."

"Shit. What you going to do?"

He shrugged. "I dunno, Dee."

"You could try talking."

"Nothing to talk about. If she wants to walk, there's nothing I can do about it."

Dee sighed and fell silent again. Rane was a fighter. He never gave up on anything, but here he was, prepared to just stand aside while his wife and daughter walked out of his life. After the funeral, she was going to have to talk to Helen. She couldn't let Happy's death be what finally tore her friends' family apart.

* * *

"Rane thinks you're going to leave him." They were sitting in Dee's kitchen, finally home after the funeral.

Helen looked down, still unable to meet her friend's eye. "I hate it, Dee."

Dee took her hand and looked through the door to where Rane was sitting talking to Danny. "What do you see when you look at that remarkable man over there?" Without waiting for an answer, she continued. "Do you know what I see? A Son. Rane is a Son, just like Hap was. The club isn't an abstract. Just a thing. It's the men that are part of it."

"The club killed Happy. How can you not be angry?"

"Happy died because he took a bullet meant for Jax." Helen opened her mouth to speak, but Dee silenced her. "Don't think for a minute I'm okay about that, I'm not. But that was Happy's role. To protect his president, and yeah, he died doing it. I cannot begin to tell you how much losing him hurts, but if it wasn't for the club, he probably would have died a long time ago. It gave him focus, a cause. A family."

"You were his family."

"Yes. And so were you. I understand how hard it is for you right now. But you know that it isn't always like this." She smiled. "Even now, if I had my time again, I would spend it with Happy. Even if you walk away, do you think if anything happens to Rane, it will hurt less?"

"I don't know."

"I do. You love him. I've been watching you. I can see how much you're holding on to that anger, desperately trying to stop loving him. It isn't working is it?"

"I'm scared." It was barely a whisper.

Dee squeezed her hand. "I know." She smiled. "When he holds you. Are you scared then?"

"No." Helen smiled. "I always feel safe in his arms."

"Then that's where you belong."

"You make it sound so simple."

"Isn't it? Why would you bail on the man you love?" She looked over as Rane pulled Danny into a hug. "Look at him, Helen. That man is hurting so much. More than you can imagine. His closest friend is dead, the club he has dedicated his whole life to is falling apart, and you want to take his daughter and walk out of his life. A lesser man…. Happy, would have dived into a bottle. But Rane, because he's a good man - a good Son, is here taking care of his brother's family. So Yeah, actually. I am angry. I'm angry at you."

Helen's eyes widened. "Why be angry at me?"

"You always knew what he was. Never once has he lied to you. You were happy enough to be with a Son through the good times. Then when the going gets tough. When he needs you like he's never needed you before, you wanna jump ship, because you're too chicken shit too stick around."

"That's not fair. I have to think of Amelia."

"Bullshit. He wont stop being her dad if you leave. You gonna stop him seeing her. Is that it? Is that how you protect her from getting hurt."

"I…. I don't know."

"Look at me, Helen. I am your worst case scenario. My old man is dead." She faltered and she took a deep breath. "Happy is dead and I have to face a future without him. My kids have lost their dad. We lost Lacy. All those things happened because I love a Son. I get it, Helen. I get you're scared. But running wont help, because you love him and he loves you. And even if you're on the other side of the world, you'll still freeze every time the phone rings." She smiled. "You will never find another man like him. You will spend the rest of your days regretting every missed moment you could have had together."

"You really care about him, don't you."

"Yeah I do. I care about you too."


	13. Chapter 13

I don't own Sons of Anarchy.

The beginning.

Late into the night, long after Rane and Dee had turned in, Helen sat at the kitchen table staring at the vodka in her glass.

Chicken shit. Was that what she was? She didn't think so, but maybe Dee had a point. Rane was hurting and instead of helping him, she was making the pain worse. Her eyes fell on the photograph of Happy and Lacy on the bookshelf. "Shit Hap. What did you have to go and die for?" She reached over and picked up the picture. "Reckon you'd have something to say as if I bailed, as well."

"He sure would."

"Rane! Jesus." She spun round. "You nearly gave me a fucking heart attack."

"Sorry, baby girl. What ya doing hiding down here?"

"Thinking."

"About us?"

"Don't think about much else." She sighed. "Dee's really pissed at me. Called me chicken shit. Said I was running out on you when you needed me most."

Rane pulled out a chair and sat next to her. "You ain't chicken." He took her hand. "She's right about me needing you though. I do need you, Helen." He swallowed and cleared his throat. "Please." He cleared his throat again. "I know it ain't fair of me to ask you to stay. You deserve better than this life. I need… I want you by my side."

Helen looked at her hand in his. "I'm not leaving."

"Really?" He tightened the grip.

She smiled and looked into his eyes. "I love you. Dee's right, I can't run from that."

He laughed. "She really gave you a talking to didn't she?"

"You have no idea."

He stood and held out his hand. "I think I do. Dee don't mince her words."

The were halfway across the kitchen when she stopped. "I'm sorry, Rane."

"What for?"

"For all the shit I've been putting you through. I should have been making your load easier, instead I just added to it."

He turned and cupping her face in his hands, kissed her. "You have nothing to apologize for. Never apologize for being honest with how you feel. I'm the one who should be saying sorry. All these years you've stood by me, while I've been focusing all my energy on the club and even now I can't promise that will change." He kissed her again. "I will promise you this though. I'm done with Charming. Jax can find someone else to fight his battles for him. Too many people are dead because of him and Clay, and I'm not going to let his bullshit tear my family apart."

Helen rested her forehead against his chest and closed her eyes. There had been a lot of broken promises over the years and while she didn't doubt his sincerity, this felt just like another. "Do you think you could hold me for a little while?"

He wrapped his arms around her. "For as long as you need."

Later, Helen lay watching him as he slept. He would be sixty soon, she touched the scar on his chest. His body had been through more than most men could endure. Despite this, he looked far younger than his years and had a physique that men half his age would envy. He was strong and virile, and she knew that no man could ever touch her like he could. He could reach inside her and find something that, until she met him, she didn't even know she possessed. She could still feel his hands on her. How her skin came alive at his touch, his mouth on hers, how he felt when he was inside her. He opened one eye and grinned. "So you planning on offing me, or jumping me?"

"I was just looking. I like looking at you when you sleep."

"Well hello insomnia. Nothing helps you sleep like knowing your old lady is watching you and plotting."

"Idiot." She grinned and allowed him to pull her onto his chest. "I'm not plotting, I'm admiring. You're a beautiful man, Rane Quinn. A beautiful Son."

* * *

Dee scraped the uneaten food into the bin. Helen and Rane had gone and for the first time since Tig and Chibs had knocked on the door, she was alone. She looked over to where Abi was standing, staring at the photographs on the bookshelves. No not alone. She put the plates on the counter and crossed the kitchen. "You okay sweetheart?"

She shrugged. "Not really, mom." She picked up the picture of Happy and Lacy. "I always resented her." Dee remained silent, and she continued. "I never felt like I could measure up. No matter what I did, dad would never love me like he loved her."

"Your dad loved you."

"I know." The tears were falling freely now. "Dad loved all of us. But Lacy…" She shook her head. "I dunno. Doesn't matter now. I don't resent her anymore. I envy her. She'll never feel what I'm feeling right now."

Dee pulled her into her arms. "Oh baby, I wish I could take the pain away, but you have to believe me. It wont always be like this. We will get through this."

She pulled away and turned as a small hand tapped the back of her leg. "Hi, Alice. Are you okay?"

Alice shrugged and kept her arms down by her side.

Crouching down, Dee kissed her forehead. "Don't you want to talk?"

"I want dad."

"Oh baby, me too." Dee hugged her daughter tightly, and closed her eyes. It had been so tough on Alice. Although most people around Alice signed, and it was second nature for the family to sign as they spoke when she was around. She had been surrounded by people who forgot, and although she could lip read a little, it was easy to overlook the little girl curled up tight in the corner. It hadn't been too bad when Tig was around. He'd stay close and keep a watchful eye on her as much as he could. But the sight of her, after the funeral, surrounded by people yet completely alone, had broken her heart. And watching Tig tap her on the shoulder and lead her to a quiet corner had healed it. Just a tiny bit. She held her at arms length. "How about we take a drive to the beach tomorrow and have a family picnic?"

"Okay."

Abi touched her shoulder. "Want to watch a movie? You can choose."

Alice nodded and headed into the living room. Dee smiled. "Thanks Abs. Now I better go upstairs and explain to your brother why a family picnic is a really good idea."

* * *

"Daddy!" Amelia ran through the house and hurled her self at him. "Granny said you wouldn't be coming home till tomorrow."

He picked her up and kissed her. "Change of plan, sweetheart. Decided to fly back with mommy."

"Wow, how did you get your bike on the plane?"

"It's coming back in the van. Your poor dad's getting too old to be riding all that way." Amelia nodded sagely and he frowned. "I think at this point you're supposed to tell me I'm not old."

"But you _are _old, daddy."

"You could try lying."

"Oh no. I can't do that, mommy might ground me."

Rane looked over to his wife and smiled. "Your mom tells me I'm not old all the time."

He put her down and watched as she trotted over to the PC in the living room. "Where you going."

"To skype Alice. She's probably real sad."

Amelia didn't know Happy and Dee that well, they saw each other two or three times a year, but had discovered the joys of skype and Alice, with the help of Helen, had been teaching her how to sign. The two girls chatted regularly and were becoming firm friends. "Good idea, she could probably use a friend." He turned back to Helen. "Did you put her up to that?"

"Nope. She thought of it all on her own." She wrapped her arms around his waist. "After all, she is her father's daughter."

* * *

Dee sat on the blanket, facing the sea. Next to her, hidden behind sunglasses, the unmistakable sounds of death metal, coming from his head phones, Danny sat staring sightlessly at his sisters as they paddled in the waves. She tapped his shoulder. And pointed to the headphones. "Take them off."

With a sigh, he complied. "What?"

"Danny, love. I think we should talk a bit, while it's just the two of us." without waiting for a response, she carried on. "I don't want you shutting every one out. I know how hard this is for you."

"No you don't. You don't know what I'm feeling."

"Wanna bet? You and your dad…."

"I don't want to talk about him."

"No I know you don't, because you're just like him. You remember what he was like after Nana Von died? How he would disappear on his bike for hours then locked himself in his den for the rest of the day?" Danny nodded. "Well that was him doing what you're doing now. It's okay. We all have to deal with this our own way. But we do have to deal with it, Danny. If you try to push what you're feeling away, it will come back and bite you."

"Uncle Rane said pretty much the same thing."

"Really?"

"Well." Danny smiled and Dee's heart leapt into her throat. He looked just like Happy. "Actually he said. 'I know that you're hurting son, but that don't mean you can act like a dick,' and that I was like dad and that he'd kick my ass if I started acting like him." He took a deep breath. "I'm not like dad. He was tough, he didn't cry in his room like a stupid girl."

"Oh yes he did, Danny. He'd lock himself away and cry like a girl."

"I don't believe you."

"How many people did you see cry at your dad's funeral."

"Loads."

"How many were wearing cuts?"

He shrugged. "A few, I guess."

"That make them any less tough? Is Rane less tough? Is Tig?"

"No."

"I guess, what I'm trying to say is, crying for your dad is okay and if you want to do it in private that's okay too. But shutting out the people you love, who love you. That's not okay. Don't shut us out Danny, we have to get through this as a family."

"You're not going to give me some bullshit about me being the man of the family are you."

"No. You're a kid, I want you to carry on being a kid. Although I'd appreciate you cutting me some slack when I try to go all Happy on your ass."

There was that grin again. He put his headphones back on. "Aint ever gonna happen, mom. You couldn't go all Happy is you tried." He looked out at his sisters. "We are gonna be okay though?"

"Yeah. It will take a while, and we'll never stop missing him, but we'll be just fine."


	14. Chapter 14

I don't own Sons of Anarchy.

Future.

Rane.

"So? Will I do?"

Rane grinned. "You look absolutely beautiful, Princess." He touched her cheek. "You ready to do this?"

Abi nodded. "Thanks for doing this, uncle Rane."

"My pleasure, Abs. Even if I do have to wear _this._" 'This' was a charcoal grey, single breasted suit. Quinn had been so determined that it wasn't going to happen. He'd faced down mafia dons, fought pitched battles with white supremacists, but he'd never been faced with three women planning a wedding before, and they had overthrown him with remarkable ease. Every time he even looked at the fucking thing, his balls shrunk a little more.

"I think _this _came with a tie. I know you have it." She held out her hand. "So hand it over."

"Abs." Fuck. He was whining. "It's too tight."

She scowled. "You said that this was my day, and I could have whatever I wanted. Well I want you to wear the tie." Sometimes there really was no doubt who her father was. Wordlessly, he pulled it out of his pocket and handed it over. Reaching up, she tied it around his neck and kissed him on the cheek. "It's only for a little while. You can take it off at the reception."

"Gee, thanks." If things carried on like this, he'd be sitting down to piss for the rest of his days.

She smiled. "Good job you love me, huh?"

"Always, princess." He bent and kissed her forehead. "Your dad would be so proud of you."

"I wish he was here, Rane."

"Yeah, me too. He could wear this fucking suit."

She laughed and wiped away a tear. "C'mon then big man, let's get me married."

The little chapel was full. Not of sons - this wasn't a club wedding - only Tig and Chibs had been invited. Quinn took a deep breath and slowly led his goddaughter down the aisle. Glancing over to his left, he could see Tig sign something to Alice and they both sniggered. He bent and whispered in Abi's ear. "How come Tig doesn't have to wear a suit?"

"Because Tig isn't giving me away. Now stop complaining. It's only for one day."

He had meant what he said when he told her that Happy would have been proud of her. His brother would have been bursting at the seems right now. She had the same quiet determination that her mother possessed, the same smarts too. She had been nursing for a year when she met her future husband. He was a junior doctor, and although initially Quinn had shared Dee's concerns that they were rushing into things, after watching them together, it was clear that they loved each other very much and Abi would never have sold herself short. She had grown up with parents who adored each other and knew exactly what real love looked like.

She left his side and he took his seat next to Helen. She grinned and whispered. "You look so hot, Rane Quinn. You'd better be up for a little role play later."

Maybe the suit wasn't so bad after all.

* * *

"Okay, just one more, and maybe this time the big guy at the back could try to smile."

As Quinn gritted his teeth, his outlaw heart burned with the desire to rip the photographer's head from his shoulders and stuff his camera where the sun don't shine. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Tig and Chibs sniggering. Shit, there were going to be copies plastered on the walls of every fucking clubhouse in the country. Finally released, he pulled off the tie and unbuttoning his collar, marched over to where they were standing. "Not one word assholes."

"Wouldn't dream of it, brother." Chibs chuckled. "Although you do look very…. What's the word I'm looking for?"

"Dapper." Tig leaned on the wall and grinned.

"I hate you both." He turned and started to walk towards where his wife and daughter were standing. "I am never going to live this down."

Helen wrapped her arms around his waist. "Are the nasty men picking on you? Do you want me to kick their asses?"

"Nah. I want you to comfort your old man."

Reaching up on tiptoes she kissed him. "There, there. Does that feel better?"

Amelia rolled her eyes. "I'm going to see if I can drive to the hotel with Alice. You two are disgusting."

"Not as disgusting as I want to be, sweetheart." He laughed as his daughter wandered off, shaking her head. Then turned his attention back to Helen. "I suppose skipping this reception is out of the question."

"I'm afraid so, big man. You're going to have to play nice with the civilians for a little while longer." She looked around. "It looks like everyone's getting ready to head off. Dee went to see Happy, how about you go and see if she's ready to go?"

There had been a few raised eyebrows when Abi had said she wanted to get married in the little chapel in the cemetery where Happy and his mom were buried, but to Quinn it made perfect sense. She wanted to be near her dad and before they had gone in, he'd given her a moment alone with the man who should have been walking her up the aisle.

He stood back and watched as Dee touched the headstone, then turned and smiled, a little sadly, at him. "Hey. Is everyone ready to go?"

"Just about, baby girl." He touched her shoulder. "You okay?"

She nodded. "I still miss him, Rane."

"Yeah. So do I." He kissed her forehead. She was one of the strongest women he had ever met, but losing Happy had taken it's toll. She was thinner now, those once soft womanly curves had been replaced with something more angular. Her cheek bones were more prominent and deep frown lines marred her brow. She was still Dee, but a light had gone out of her life and she seemed a little dimmer somehow. "C'mon, let's go play nice with the fancy new inlaws."

She laughed. "_Can_ you play nice?"

"I play nice all the time."

* * *

It wasn't long before Quinn, Chibs and Tig found themselves leaning on the bar watching the celebrations. "So how's Indian Hills?" Both Chibs and Tig had transferred there, after the Redwood charter had collapsed with the death of their president.

"Good." Tig nodded. "Plenty of pussy and a bunch of old timers sitting round and reminiscing about the old days."

Chibs barked a short laugh. "I'm the fucking baby of the bunch. You should get a transfer, brother. You'd fit right in."

Quinn looked over to his old lady and daughter. "Nah. Reckon Tacoma's got everything I need."


	15. Chapter 15

I don't own sons of anarchy.

Future.

Alice.

"Phone. Away. Now." With a sigh Alice slipped the phone into her pocket and immediately felt alone. She wasn't deaf on face book. At home or when it was just her and her friends it was fine. But here, right now, surrounded by strangers, it mattered. It mattered a lot.

She turned to Tig. "Will you tell me what they are saying?"

"It's just the usual wedding bullshit." He looked across to his right. "What about her? Third pew from the front. Green dress."

She grinned. This was a game they often played. "Big house, smart car, something like a Merc. Huge debts. Bought the dress because the shop girl said it made her look young."

"Married? Single?"

"Married."

"Fat guy on her left?"

"No, wig guy on her right."

This is why she'd insisted on sitting at the back with Tig instead of at the front with her family. Who wanted to listen to a boring wedding ceremony anyway."

By the end of the service, they ascertained that the woman in the blue suit opposite them was having an affair with her neighbor, the guy in the ill fitting suit on the second row was on the run from the mob and the woman who thought that she looked good in yellow was a kleptomaniac.

As she stood to leave, he reached out and gently held her arm. Sometimes after sitting for a while her leg was a bit wobbly, but she he hated when people did that. With Tig it was different. With him, she didn't mind.

* * *

While the photographer took a million years capturing the big day, she sat on a low wall waiting to be summoned. Her mom had made it abundantly clear that she was going to be in these pictures whether she liked it or not. Her actual words were, 'if you try to sneak off with Tig, I will ground you till you're eighteen.' He had abandoned her to go and have a sneaky smoke with Chibs and as usual, she was left alone. Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out her phone and started chatting to her friends. A hand touched her arm. "The photographer wants some of the whole family." Her mum smiled. "It wont take long."

"Okay, but can someone please tell me what he wants me to do. And tell him that waving his arms about isn't any help." Despite her best efforts not to, she stumbled as she walked across the uneven ground, and as she righted herself, caught a glimpse of the expression on her mom's face. Shit, she hated that. Every time she stumbled or limped a little. Or when the TV show she wanted to watch didn't have subtitles, her mum would have that look on her face. It was almost like she was in pain. She scowled. "I'm fine, mom."

"I know. Darling. Come on, let's get this over with."

The photographer, who she and Tig had decided liked to dress in women's clothes and right now was wearing a pink thong under his Chinos, straightened up and frowned at her. "Surly if you try really hard, you can stand still, just for a moment." She felt those around her stiffen and turned to her brother. "Did he just say what I thought he said?"

"Yes. Do you want me to hit him?"

She looked over to where Helen was trying to calm her uncles down. "No, just tell him I have CP and sometimes I wobble. He'll just have to fucking deal with it."

She looked over to Tig who grinned and gave her the thumbs up.

She really wished everyone could treat her like he did. He never patronized her and had drummed it into her from a young age that she had to stand up for herself. But he was also her fiercest defender.

While her dad was alive, she never had any trouble from the neighborhood kids, but after he died, the bullies had crawled out of the shadows. She may not have been able to hear what they were saying, but their taunts still stung. After suffering in silence and avoiding going outside alone for a few weeks, she'd finally told him what had been going on. After giving her a long ass lecture about keeping shit like that to herself, he got her to show him where the ring leader lived and marched to the front door. She couldn't see what he said, but the kid's father had paled and gone back inside. Seconds later he had dragged his son to the door and Tig had marched him to where she was standing. "Apologize, asshole."

"I'm sorry."

"She's deaf, shit head. Sign it."

"I don't know how."

"Then learn. You got a week." He held out his hand. "Come on, lets get out of here before I do something that will get me arrested. See you Saturday, shit head."

"I can lip read."

"Shut up." He'd grinned. "He doesn't know that."

Alice smiled at the memory. She firmly believed everyone should have a crazy uncle Tig.

The reception was being held at a local hotel, Abi had opted for a buffet rather than a formal dinner and while people milled around filling their plates, Alice found herself a quiet corner where she wouldn't be disturbed. She would get some food once the crowd had died down.

From her vantage point she watched her mom as she stood talking to Chibs and wondered vaguely if there was something going on between them. He sometimes came round with Tig, and had recently started taking her mom out for dinner or the movies. She had insisted they were just friends, but when she was with him, she laughed and smiled more. Alice hoped so. It had been nearly six years since her dad died and her mom deserved to be happy again. As she watched, Imi walked over and made a snarky remark. Immediately, the shadow fell over her mom again. Fucking Imi, why did she have to make life difficult for everyone?

She loved her sister, but she was hard to live with and was angry all the time, Alice hated confrontation so tried, as much as possible, to stay out of her crosshairs.

A hand touched her shoulder and she smiled as Danny handed her a plate then sat down beside her. Of all her siblings, it was him she was closest to. He didn't fuss over her like Abi, or treat her like an inconvenience like Imi. He'd just quietly and unobtrusively be _there_ for her. Kinda like dad had been. He nudged her and grinned. "Looks like you've got an admirer."

He nodded over to where a skinny kid of about fifteen was sitting staring at her.

"Don't think so."

"Why not? You're pretty cute for a dork."

"Yeah whatever." She looked over at the guy again. He was kinda cute. Their eyes met and he blushed and signed. "Hello."

Danny laughed. "Why don't you go and talk to him? That's the only thing he knows how to sign, but." He tapped her phone. "I'm sure you'll figure it out."

"How do you know that's all he can sign?"

"Cos that's all I showed him. Kid's got some balls. Came up and asked me to teach him, so he could talk to you." He chuckled. "So he passed the first test. Gotta have balls to date a Lowman."


	16. Chapter 16

I don't own Sons of anarchy

Future

Talking to Happy

"Hey." Dee crouched down and picked off a few leaves from the plain unassuming grave. "So our baby's only gone and got married. I wish you could see her, Hap. She looks so beautiful. You would be so proud of her.

"Paul, her husband is a good guy, and he really loves her." She chuckled. "And we've got a doctor in the family. Maybe two, if Abs decides to go back to school.

"Quinn's giving her away, of course. In a suit! He's done nothing but bitch about it all day, but between you and me, he looks pretty hot. I know Helen thinks so. Reckon they'll be leaving the party early tonight.

"I really miss you today. Well, I miss you every day, but today is special. It should have been you walking her down the aisle, whining because your tie's too tight." She smiled and touched the head stone. "It should have been me dragging you home early to play James Bond.

"I still cry, hap. And I still ache for you as much as ever. It feels like there's a huge block of ice lodged in my chest and nothing I do will make it melt. Sometimes, when I'm with the kids, I forget, just for a little while. And then BAM! I remember and the pain is as acute as it was when I first lost you.

"The kids miss you too. I know Abi came to see you earlier. She talks about you all the time. She's strong though. Stronger than me. I don't think I would have coped without her.

"Danny's doing okay. He doesn't say much and he keeps whatever he's feeling close to his chest, but he has his music and that gives him something to focus on. He's getting pretty good too. Him and his buddies have got a band together and are using the garage as a practice space. It took a while for me to persuade him to use it, and giving your tools away nearly broke my heart. But he hasn't been near a bike since you died and they needed the room.

"I…. I sold your bike. I'm sorry. But this wedding, and Danny wanted a guitar. And then there's school stuff and Alice's medical costs. It's hard sometimes. We get by, day to day. But there's no money in the pot for any extras. I talked it over with the kids and they agreed it was the only option. Well all except Imi of course. What am I supposed to do with her, Hap? I don't know how to get through to her. She's just so angry all the time, constantly trying to fight the world. She's had even more piercing since I spoke to you last. And ink! She's fucking Sixteen! Although you'd probably approve. She's got a smiley on her wrist. I just keep hoping it's just a phase and she'll grow out of it. I really hope so. She's a smart girl and she's just throwing her life away. God listen to me, I sound like my mother." She laughed. "Well maybe not my mother. But someone's.

"Alice is fine. She still struggles to walk very far, but she's a tough cookie. Not much keeps her down. Tig helps. I don't like to think of the influence he's having on her, but he really cares about her. You know how you told me that people said he was Clay's pit bull? Well, I think he's got a new owner. He's watches out for her, and I swear, if anyone hurt her, he'd kill them. Doesn't mean I'm not going to kick their asses for goofing around through the service though."

She fell silent for a moment and ran her fingers along his name. "I've been seeing someone. I've been seeing Chibs. It's not serious, we've just gone out a few times. We haven't…. But I like him, Hap. I know I'll never love him. Not like I love you. He's kind and patient with me. And he makes me laugh. It's been a long time since I've really done that. I know he'd like to take things further. I think I'd like that too. I'm lonely, Happy. I don't want to be on my own any more. I miss….. Fuck it Hap, I miss sex. Problem is, every time I think about being with anyone but you, it feels, I dunno, wrong, I guess." She smiled. "You're a hard act to follow, Lowman."

She looked up as Rane approached. "Looks like I'm going to have to go and round everyone up and rescue Danny from Amelia. She's got the biggest crush on him. God help the world if those two get together. Now that would be a legacy!" Straightening up, she gently touched the headstone. "Bye, Happy. I love you."

Turning, she smiled. "Hey. Is every one ready to go?"

"Just about, baby girl." He reached out and touched her shoulder. "You okay?"

"I still miss him, Rane."

Gently he kissed her forehead. "Yeah. Me too." Wiping away her tears, she took a deep breath and followed him back to where her family was waiting.

As she rounded the corner, Chibs pushed himself away from the wall. "You okay, love?"

"Yeah." She smiled, and somewhere deep inside her, the thaw began.


	17. Chapter 17

I don't own Sons of Anarchy

Future

Talking to Happy. Imogene

"Hey, dad." Imi sat crossed legged in front of the headstone and picked at the black nail polish on her thumb. "I just realized today, that I've never been to see you before. I know mom and Abs do, and I guess I always thought it was dumb. Not like you're really here is it? I didn't plan on winding up here, I just went outside for a smoke and kept on walking.

"I feel kind stupid now I'm here. I know you can't hear me. I wish you could though." She laughed. "Although if you could, you'd be pissed as all hell at me. I keep fucking up, dad, and the stupid thing is, I don't even know why I do it. I think there's something fucked up in my head. I know there's a right way and a wrong way to do things and I always choose the wrong way.

"I guess mom told you all about perfect fucking Abi, getting married. It's all I've heard for months." She looked down at the dress her mom had insisted she wore. "I look like such a dork. How is wearing what I want to wear going to ruin the golden girl's perfect day?" She grinned. "Dunno why I'm bitching to you about this. I can hear you now. 'just put the fucking dress on, Imi, an' get that metal out your face while you're at it.'

"I kinda miss you yelling at me, dad." She touched the smiley face on the inside of her wrist. "I'm guessing she told you about this as well. See, this is what I mean about fucking things up. If I was smart, I'd have had it somewhere I could hide it. It's like there's something in me that wants to make life as difficult as possible. Don't give a shit though. I'm gonna get more. When I was a kid, mom told me how much getting ink had hurt. I thought you must be the toughest guy on the planet to cover yourself the way you did. I get it now. Feels good doesn't it? I know you'd have yelled, but you would've understood why I did it and why I wanted more. You always got me, dad. I guess I inherited my crazy from you. Mom doesn't understand. To be honest I don't think she can even be bothered to try. Why would she? She's got Abi, who never puts a foot wrong and Danny, who's all chilled and shit. And of course we all have to make allowances for the little angel don't we? She don't give a shit about me, I'm just a disappointment. I can see it in her eyes.

"She tell you about that Scottish fuck? Course she did. I can't believe she's okay with him sniffing around. How can she even think of being with him?

"She sold your bike, dad. How could she do that? I'm pretty sure it was fucking Chibs who talked her into it. I hate the thought of someone else riding it, but she wouldn't listen. Dunno why I thought she would, she never listens to me. Half the time she doesn't even notice I'm there." She took a pouch of tobacco from her purse and began to roll a cigarette. "I wish you were here. I know I pissed you off sometimes but I always knew you loved me, even when I fucked up. I want to talk to mum about stuff, I want to tell her that I prefer girls to boys, but it would just be giving her another stick to beat me with." She sighed and laughed a little sadly. "You're the only person I've told, and you can't even fucking hear me. Would be nice if you could though.

She looked up as something moving in her peripheral vision, caught her attention. A large black crow perched on a low branch and watched her fearlessly. They stared at each other for a moment, then Imi shivered and laughed again. "Oh for fuck's sake. I really need to get a grip." The crow cocked it's head quizzically, and crapped on the path below. Imi grinned. "Well that killed the moment."

She lit her cigarette. "I better go. Mom will be giving me shit, if she realizes I've snuck off." She touched the headstone. "Bye, dad. I actually feel a bit better. Weird, huh? Maybe I won't leave it so long next time."

She stood and turned to leave. "Jesus Christ! How long have you been standing there?"

Rane pushed himself away from the wall and shrugged. "Long enough."

"What are you doing here?"

"Saw you sneak out."

"You followed me?" He shrugged, but said nothing. "You had no right to listen. That was a private conversation between me and…. Hey!"

He took her arm and firmly led her to an ornate bench under a tree. "Sit."

"Fuck you! I don't have to…."

She stopped as before her eyes, he switched from being uncle Rane to Quinn. "I said sit."

Silently, she sat. Her dad used to do that. What her mom called 'going all Happy.' Tig did it too, even Chibs. That moment, just as she was about to cross the line, they'd remind her just who she was talking to. It was so subtle. A slight change in stance and their faces would harden. That was all it took to become a Son.

He pulled the cigarette from her mouth and threw it on the ground. "So, Chibs and your mum. Huh? I can't say I'm surprised."

"You didn't know? I thought she told you everything."

"Obviously not. None of my business anyways."

"You can't be happy about it though."

He shrugged. "Chibs is a good guy. He'll take care of her."

"She don't need taking care of."

"Everyone needs taking care of, Imi. You need to give her a break."

"She sold dad's bike."

"Do you know who to?"

"No. Chibs took it to Indian Hill, said he knew someone." She turned and looked at him. "Do you know who bought it?"

"Yeah."

"A Son? Shit, it was you wasn't it?"

"Nah, I don't have that sort of money."

"Who then? Oh no, not Chibs."

Rane nodded. "He knew your mom needed the money, and that she wouldn't accept any help from him. And he knew how much selling the bike broke her heart. So he bought it."

"Does she know?"

"No. He's just keeping it safe for you all."

"Shit."

The sun was starting to dip behind the horizon and she shivered as the chill air hit her bare arms. Wordlessly, he took off his jacket and put it around her shoulders. That small act broke her and for the first time in years, she began to cry.

She had no idea how long he'd held her against his chest as she sobbed. Finally she sniffed and pushing herself away from him, gave a shaky laugh. "I think I got mascara on your nice white shirt."

He grinned. "Judging by the state of your face, I'd say that was a pretty safe bet." He pulled the tie from his pocket and with it, wiped her face. "You okay, baby?"

"Yeah. I've no idea where that came from, Sorry."

If he had any theories he kept them to himself. Gently he brushed the hair away from her face. "You know your mom loves you, right? Talk to her. You really think she'd hold the fact that you prefer girls against you?" She shrugged and he smiled. "Your mom is one of the least judgmental person I have ever known. Trust her." He laughed. "You might not want to let Tig know, though. Twisted fucker will be wanting to watch."

"Ew. Uncle Rane!"

He took her hand and stood up. "C'mon. We'd better get back there before they send out a search party."

As they walked past Happy's grave, Rane stopped. "You go on, I just need a minute. I'll catch you up."

He watched as she rounded the corner then turned and pulled out a cigarette. "Don't worry 'bout her, bro. I got this."


End file.
